


SandCastles

by AudaciousBeans



Category: Free!
Genre: (i'm so excited for the fluff), Angst, Childhood Memories, Developing Relationship, I didn't mean to make it so angsty, M/M, beach, but the first few chapters are a bit angsty, free of haru being described as 'raven-haired' or as a 'ravenette', it'll get happy and fluffy though i promise, there may or may not be dream sex......
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 07:00:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2339387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudaciousBeans/pseuds/AudaciousBeans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto had built countless sandcastles with Haru, and they all of course met their inevitable demise. But there was one castle that Makoto never wanted to be destroyed, and to protect that castle he was going to suppress every ridiculous, romantic feeling that might destroy their friendship which had been so preciously built up over the years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had a mighty mighty need for a MakoHaru beach fic, so I wrote one. This is the first fanfic I've written that's more than, like, one scene so yay!
> 
> Warning: I really have no knowledge of modern (or any era really) Japanese life, so this is going to be super Americanized. 
> 
> Also, any choices I've made to go with or against what's canon is deliberate. Probably.

He patted the final wall of his sandcastle and sat back to admire his handiwork. With a satisfied grin he began to look for the final touches—shells to decorate the ramparts, a twig to represent the proud banner of his sandy kingdom, seaweed to drape along the walls. He surveyed the area directly around him, before standing up and vainly trying to wipe the sand off his legs. He scuttled around, digging through the sand and picking up shells.

“What are you looking for, Makoto?” his mother asked. She was sitting on a striped purple beach towel and leaning back on her hands, basking in the sun.

“I need shells to make my sandcastle look like a real castle!” he replied.

“Oh of course.” She looked around and picked up a blue scallop. “Here, what about this? Is this something your castle needs?”

Makoto gasped, that big smile his mother loved filling up his face.

“Yes!”

He took the shell gratefully and ran back to his castle. Makoto examined the holdfast he had created, searching for the perfect place to put his pretty blue shell. He spotted the place he knew to be worthy of the shell and bit his lip. He carefully leaned in to stick the shell in the middle of the main tower. He knew the risk he was taking. If he pressed the shell in too hard, the tower may crumble and collapse, but if he wasn’t forceful enough, the shell would fall to the ground, bringing bits of tower with it and crashing into other parts of the castle. The only way he could get the shell if the latter happened would be by reaching in the midst of his creation and risking knocking down other parts of the castle, so he really needed to get this shell on his tower the first time.

Makoto inhaled a gleeful inhale.

The scallop was mounted successfully onto the tower.

“I really like your sandcastle,” a boy behind him said. “I especially like that shell there.”

“Oh!” Makoto turned around. “Th-thank you!”

The boy looked about Makoto’s age. He had black hair, which complimented his swimming-pool-blue eyes.

“…can you help me build one?”

Makoto tilted his head and smiled, closing his granny-smith-apple-green eyes.

“Yeah of course!”

Pool-eyes gave a small smile at that. They walked over a few feet before finding just the right spot for their new castle. Both of them squatted down and began man-handling that sand like it was nobody’s business.

“My name’s Makoto Tachibana. What’s yours?” Makoto asked, smiling kindly at the builder across from him.

“Haruka Nanase.”

“Nice to meet you, Haruka-san. Do you live around here?”

“Yes,” Haruka replied simply. “I live with my grandma in a house not far from here.”

Haruka had a decent mound of sand in front of him. He squished his hands around it to form it into a wall, but when he pulled his hand away a chunk fell off from the top and most of the wall crumbled with it. Haruka pouted at the mess.

Makoto giggled. “That’s not how you do it. Here,” Makoto moved around so he was squatting right next to Haruka. “You have to pat it more gently. Like this.” Makoto shimmied his hands all up and down that sand like it was a finely toned man. “And sometimes adding some water helps, too.”

Makoto looked over to his sandcastle and spotted the green bucket.

“I’ll go get some. The sands a little dry over here.”

Haruka stood up and stated, “I’ll get it. You can stay here and keep working on the castle.”

Makoto looked at Haruka and gave a shrug and nodded. He watched Haruka walk over to grab the bucket and then down to the water. Haruka squatted down and seemed to stare at the water before gingerly placing the bucket into the foamy, lapping waves.

Haruka walked up and placed the bucket next to Makoto.

“Here.”

“Perfect,” Makoto thanked.

Makoto picked up the bucket to pour it evenly on the sand they were working on. He sat the bucket down with a little bit of water still in it and began scraping together a building. Haruka sat down next to him, watching Makoto do his magic with the sand. Makoto saw him watch him and he smiled.

“I’d think for someone who lives so close to the beach you’d know a lot about building sandcastles,” Makoto jested.

“I just moved here not too long ago. And whenever I come here I usually just swim.”

“I love swimming! I wish we’d come to the beach more often so I could swim more.”

Haruka turned his head to look at Makoto. “Why don’t you join the swim club?”

“The swim club?”

“Yeah. I signed up this year. You should too. Then we could swim together.”

Makoto smiled. “Yeah, maybe I should. That sounds like fun, Haruka-san.”

Haruka grinned as he continued to work on his wall.

“You can just call me ‘Haru-san’.”

Makoto beamed at him.

“Hey,” Haru looked up, “when we’re done, do you want to swim in the ocean?”

“Absolutely!”

The boys eagerly set to work, determined to make the best sandcastle that ever existed. Makoto built the main building, a tower at each corner with peaked roofs, while Haru made the grand wall surrounding the keep. He even added little shelters inside to represent stables and barracks. Haru tried to put turrets along the walls, but after several failed attempts, he declared that towers were useless pieces of architecture and what good did they do anyways other than let people go higher into the air. Makoto giggled and took up the task of adding proper defenses to the walls, causing Haru to pout and busy himself instead with hunting for decorations to adorn the castle.

“Look,” Haru said, holding up something in his hand. “I found a shell that’s like the one on your castle, except it’s green.”

“Ooh cool!” Makoto ogled. “Where are you going to put it?”

Haru turned and directed his focus on the castle, a look of serious contemplation on his face as he pondered the castle, a hand resting lightly on his chin. He looked back and forth between the shell and the sandcastle, moving the shell up and then over, closing an eye, ‘hmm’-ing before settling back on the sandcastle. Haru stepped forward and lowered himself to his knees. 

“Where do you think I should put it?” he asked.

Makoto speculated the options. He finally pointed to the center of the main building.

Haru leaned in and purposefully placed the shell onto the castle without hesitation.

“There.” He sat back, satisfied, and Makoto approved with a “It’s perfect.”

They both stared in admiration at their fine work, pride glinting in their eyes.

Makoto stood up and declared, “To the ocean!” pointing dramatically to the sky.

They raced to the water and crashed into the waves. They pranced about near the shore for a while, suffering numerous pratfalls. They sat down and giggled as the waves picked them up and threw them down again onto the shelly sand, making them fall over and get tangled with each other. Eventually they made their way out further into the water so that they were bouncing around in the sea-juice that came up to their chests, the sun pleasantly dancing on their wet skin. Makoto would dive down and retrieve shells or to see anything that may be moving around on the sand at their feet. Haru would go underwater with him, and they’d make silly faces at each other, having to go quickly back to the surface, gasping for air while they laughed.

“Haru!” an elderly woman on the shore called. She was waving and sitting next to Makoto’s parents.

Haru frowned at the water. “Ah, I have to go home now.”

“Oh, okay,” Makoto said disappointedly. “But I’ll see you at swim club!”

Haru’s face brightened. “Yeah! And be sure to sign up so you start next week, okay?”

Makoto nodded eagerly, and they both raced each other to the shore. Haru’s grandma smiled at and greeted Makoto warmly, and Makoto returned the polite introduction. She wrapped Haru in a towel and ruffled his hair with it, giggling at him as he pulled it away from his face and smirked back at her.

“Bye, Makoto-san,” Haru said, waving at Makoto as he and his grandma left.

“Good-bye, Haru-san! See you at swim club!” Makoto called, his signature close-eyed, open-mouthed smile on his face while his arm waved farewell in the air.

“Swim club?” his mom questioned.

“Yeah!” he turned to her, beaming. “I’m joining the swim club with Haru-san!”

His father chuckled. “Looks like we’ll have to sign you up right away then, won’t we?”

“Uh-huh!” Makoto nodded eagerly.

His mother smiled, and they began to gather up their things to head home.

 

\---

 

Makoto opened his eyes, awoken by the obnoxious peals of his alarm clock. He grumbled and rolled over; he opened the drawer of his nightstand and smiled at the two little shells within—one green and one blue. Remembering that day at the beach, he rolled onto his back and draped an arm over his forehead, smiling a tired smile at the ceiling. After dozing for a few more desperate minutes, he finally forced himself to get up and to put on his school uniform.  Makoto yawned and rubbed his eyes, mentally telling himself he needed to start getting to bed earlier, and walked out of his room towards the kitchen.

“Good morning, Makoto!” his mom greeted.

“Good morning,” he yawned.

Ren and Ran were already sitting at the table, each eating bowls of cereal while his father made toast for himself. Makoto walked over to the cupboard that held the Pop-Tarts, and he grabbed a packet before opening it and placing it into the toaster after his dad’s toast popped out. While Makoto nibbled on his breakfast, his mom began shoo-ing his siblings out the door, handing them their lunches and sending them off to school. They left eagerly, chattering as always and throwing back farewells to their brother and father still loitering in the kitchen.

As Makoto half-heartedly ate, he started thinking bitter-sweetly about lying in bed with Haru, his arm draped over him and holding him close while they stayed in that early-morning euphoria. Once again he’d returned to the subject he’d been trying so hard not to think constantly about and which kept him up at night. He tried to suppress the blissful image, knowing it was all too likely to never happen. He’d been thinking about Haru like that a lot recently, but all it ever did was cause such romantic frustration within him as he’d never before experienced. Such imaginings were sweet initially, always causing a warm happiness to spread through him. But they very quickly turned into a sinking stone of dismal melancholy plummeting through him because Haru wasn’t his and no matter how hard he imagined, he couldn’t really hold him.

A deep frown began to form on his face, and the chewing of his breakfast ceased as he stared sullenly at the kitchen tile.

His mom walked back into the kitchen. She sighed and began cleaning up the twins’ messes, then looked at the clock on the wall.

“Say, Makoto,” she said, pulling him out of this thoughts, “shouldn’t you be heading off to school now? You don’t want to be late. Unless you’re not stopping by Haruka-kun’s first?”

“Oh!” Makoto exclaimed through a mouthful of Pop-Tart. “Yeah, guess I better go. Bye Mom! Bye Dad!”

Makoto hastily threw on his backpack and his mom handed him his lunch, wishing him a good day at school. He walked the familiar route to Haru’s house, not far from his, and mounted the steps, stopping to pet the little white kitten which he liked to think came and waited for him there each morning. When he reached the top of the steps and arrived at Haru’s front door, he slid it open, announcing his arrival.

“Haru-chan! C’mon let’s go, we don’t want to be late again.”

He paused in the hall and waited for a response. Nothing. Makoto sighed and went to the bathroom door, sliding it open. And sure enough there was Haru, sitting in a bath like he had all the time in the world to do so.

“Haru-chan, why is it so hard for you to just be dressed and ready so we can go to school. If we’re late again this semester we’re going to get a detention,” Makoto chided.

Haru glanced over in Makoto’s direction.

“Aw, I don’t even get a simple ‘good morning’?”

Makoto groaned. “Good morning, Haru-chan,” he said robotically, rolling his eyes. He stepped over to the edge of the tub. “Alright, let’s go now.”

Makoto held out his hand, and Haru looked at it, pouting.

“I don’t want to go to school,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Well, you have to.”

“Why?”

Makoto looked at the ceiling impatiently, responding, “I don’t know you just do! To get an education, to prepare you for the real world.”

“If they’re preparing us for the real world then what are we living in now?”

“Haru, this is a conversation that’d be great to have with Rei, and not when we’re running late.”

“Sheesh, you’re grumpy when we’re late.”

Makoto tensed up his arm, emphasizing the fact that Haru needed to grab it and get out of the water, and Haru took it, albeit reluctantly.

“Did you not get enough sleep last night?” Haru asked, looking at Makoto while he stood up and stepped out of the tub, water dripping down his toned bod and swimsuit.

Makoto returned his gaze from Haru’s abdomen and up to his face. He sighed, his face calming, and replied, “No, not really.”

Haru looked mildly concerned, but before he could pose a question, Makoto bent over and began gathering Haru’s rumpled uniform.

“Here, get dressed so we can go and not miss the train. Have you eaten?”

Haru took his clothes and shook his head.

“Okay, I’ll make you something to eat real quick, then.”

“There’s some leftover mackerel in the fridge,” Haru suggested.

Makoto nodded and smiled—though stressed out, he was mildly amused by the familiarity of the situation. He went into the kitchen and opened the fridge, hunting for the mackerel. He found it and heated it up, handing it to Haru when he appeared dressed and ready to go. Haru thanked him in his quiet way, and they headed out the door.

They caught the train just in time, and neither said much on their commute to school, though it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. Makoto looked at Haru, concern lightly creasing his face. Ever since Rin came back, Haru hadn’t been quite himself. He was more flustered and stressed than usual and always seemed like something was bothering him. Makoto couldn’t say that Rin’s unexpected return hadn’t done the same to him to a certain degree. He had never been as close with Rin as Haru was, but Rin had changed from the kind, upbeat boy who wanted to do nothing but swim with his friends that they had all known. Plus, Haru seemed so preoccupied with him that it, admittedly, made Makoto more than a little jealous. Part of Makoto felt ashamed for thinking it. Didn’t he just want Haru to be happy? And if Rin was the one to make him happy, wasn’t that okay?

Makoto looked away and let out a quiet sigh, closing his eyes. Haru’s eyes snapped to Makoto.

“Is everything alright?” he asked.

“Yeah, just fine!” Makoto said cheerily, though he felt it was a little forced.

Haru continued to study him, not entirely convinced. He pursed his lips.

“You know,” he said, “you didn’t have to organize a training trip to the ocean.” Haru rested his gaze on the floor out of the corner of his eye.

At that a close-mouthed smile formed on Makoto’s face, an expression of tenderness taking over his features. Haru had said something to him about their upcoming trip the other day, and clearly he was still concerned about Makoto. He was touched Haru was concerned about him, remembered that time long ago, but it still hurt. If only Haru knew what was really plaguing Makoto’s thoughts. Maybe he should just say it, maybe he should just tell Haru—no. He’d already decided that he wouldn’t tell Haru how he felt about Rin’s return and why it bothered him that Haru was so affected by it. He wouldn’t tell Haru why he’d been losing sleep, and wanting nothing more than Haru to be there with him, to hold him and know everything was alright.

“It’s okay,” Makoto assured. “As I said I’ll be fine. I’m not scared of the ocean anymore. I just want to swim with you guys, and what difference does it make if it’s in a pool or the ocean?”

Haru turned to Makoto, still looking perturbed. Makoto gave him a smile to try to convince Haru that he really was fine with it.

“Just…don’t hesitate to stop or come to me if you need to,” Haru insisted.

Makoto responded by nodding, eyes closed and a small smile resting on his lips, and the train stopped. They both stepped off the train and walked to school.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru's pov and beach training trip time yay

Makoto stood behind him, staring wide-eyed and clutching his arm. Haru had gone with Makoto that day to visit his fisherman friend, but what they found instead was a funeral tribute to some sailors who had died in the storm a couple nights past, causing the boat to sink, and one of those sailors was the fisherman. Makoto’s hand was hovering near his, and Haru grabbed it, squeezing his stunned friend’s hand. He looked at Makoto, sorrow and sympathy weighing down his features, to see his friend looking at the passerby not so much with sorrow as with fear.

Haru wanted to leave. He looked at Makoto to silently tell him, but Makoto seemed to be frozen in place. Makoto began to shake and his eyes watered, so Haru clutched his hand tighter, and just continued to look with sad eyes at the people walking by. Suddenly Makoto ripped his hand out of Haru’s and ran down the pier. Haru looked after him in shock and chased after him. When he caught up to Makoto, he was sitting on a cluster of rocks by the shore, his knees up to his face and his arms wrapped around them while tears ran down his face. Haru climbed up next to him and sat down. He didn’t say anything and just looked out to the ocean in front of them. The water still carried traces of the storm: uneasy waves, seaweed and branches and debris being thrown around, the grayish color of storm-clouds coloring its surface.

Haru had only talked to the old fisherman a few times, but he knew how much he meant to Makoto. He’d even given him those goldfish he loved so much. Haru looked out at the ocean and wondered how something so lovely could also be so cruel. The water, to him, gave life, but now he knew it could all-too-easily take it away. Haru looked over to Makoto, to those sad eyes and pinched eyebrows. What was he thinking? Was he wishing for his friend to be back? Cursing the ocean? Would he ever even want to swim again? Haru wished he had something comforting to say. He wished he could help Makoto, but instead he just sat there, waiting for Makoto to say when he was ready to go.

 

\---

 

Haru was sitting on the steps outside Makoto’s house, petting a cat and waiting for his friend to come out.

“Morning, Haru,” Makoto greeted.

Haru looked up. Makoto stood below him, smiling with his bags thrown over his shoulder, ready for their camping expedition. Haru picked up his own bags and descended the steps.

“Do you need help carrying anything?” Makoto asked.

“No, I got it,” Haru responded, adjusting the strap over his shoulder holding the cooler with food in it.

He was still upset that Makoto had agreed to this. He knew he wasn’t entirely comfortable with it, and of course he hadn’t told anyone about how he really felt. Sometimes he thought Makoto was too selfless. Even if he wanted something, he wouldn’t say anything as long as someone else’s wants may conflict with his. Maybe Haru was just making too big of a deal about this whole beach trip. But Makoto hadn’t gone swimming in the ocean since before the fisherman incident. Sure, he’d gone to the beach; he’d watched Haru swim and they’d played with the sand, but even that took a while for Makoto to feel comfortable doing again.

“Mako-chan! Haru-chan!” Nagisa called, waving to them. “Over here!”

They approached Nagisa, Rei, Gou, and Sasabe who were standing next to the boat they’d be taking and exchanged ‘good morning’s.

“Is everyone here then?” Sasabe checked.                        

“Miss Amakata still isn’t here,” Rei informed.

Just then a little car drove up and Miss Amakata popped out, dressed in a white sundress and a large floppy hat. She walked up to the group, apologizing for making them wait. Sasabe and Amakata introduced themselves—Sasabe swearing he’d seen her before as she brushed it off hastily and almost nervously. They all boarded the boat and were off.

Makoto and Haru sat down on boxes near each other while Nagisa stood at the prow, standing and pointing dramatically to the journey in front of them.

“Off we go to the deserted island!” Nagisa declared.

Gou joined him in his cheers and Rei argued with Nagisa as he often did. Haru examined Makoto. When Makoto saw him staring, he cocked his head, giving his comfortable smile. He seemed alright. Maybe Haru was making too big a deal out of the situation after all. Makoto appeared relaxed and even a little excited. Haru just didn’t want to see Makoto upset in any way; he didn’t want him to end up like Rin—cold and distant and changed when Haru could’ve done something to prevent that from happening.

“Are you not excited, Haru-chan?” Makoto questioned.

“Drop the –chan,” Haru grumbled.

Makoto snickered and Haru answered, “I guess so.”

“I’d think you would be. A weekend of nothing but swimming in the ocean.” He smiled and looked out at the water.

Haru looked at Makoto’s face backed by sunlight glinting off the water, the breeze gently tossing his shaggy hair.

Soon enough they arrived at the island. Rei appeared to not have enjoyed the boat ride much. He was pale and clamped his hand over his mouth when they stepped onto land. Makoto went to ask if he was alright before he ran off to the bathroom. After they unloaded their gear, Sasabe wished them luck in their training and gave them a cooler of pizza. Gou seemed disappointed at that, and opened the cooler containing the food Haru had brought.

When she saw it was just mackerel her shoulders slumped and she accused Haru of liking mackerel too much. Offended, he stared at her with a slight frown. Then Rei ran up beckoning them to all come and look at something. He led them to a training facility and they all peered into the windows looking down on the pool inside where the Samezuka swim club was practicing.

“Did you have something to do with this again?” Makoto accused Gou.

They turned their attention to Gou.

“Huh?” she said. “I didn’t know anything about it this time.”

Haru found Rin in the swimmers below. He looked unhappy, his goggles pushed back onto his forehead as he stared dully at the action going on before him.

“We should go down and say hello!” Nagisa suggested.

“No,” Haru insisted, snapping his gaze to Nagisa. Everyone looked at him. “I promised him that we would meet at prefecturals.”

Haru didn’t want another encounter with Rin like they had while shopping for swimsuits. He’d been a little harsher with him than he’d meant, and he didn’t want to widen the gaping gap between them.

“Oh really?” Nagisa said excitedly, grabbing onto Haru.

Out of the corner of his eye, Haru saw Makoto’s expression fall a bit. But when he turned to look at him, he just smiled like he usually did.

They walked back to the beach and set up their tents. Makoto grabbed the bag with the tent he brought and Haru went over to help him set it up. Nagisa and Rei put a tent up next to theirs while Nagisa complained about not getting to swim in a fancy pool. Haru interjected, saying that it didn’t matter if they swam in the ocean or a pool. Water was water. To say that swimming in the ocean was inferior to swimming in a pool was insulting to ocean water. And vice versa. Makoto backed him up saying the point of the weekend’s training was to build stamina, so it didn’t matter that they weren’t swimming in a big, 50 meter pool. Nagisa then went back to exclaiming about deserted islands, much to Rei’s distress.

After they finished, Gou and Miss Amakata announced they were going to their room in the lodge. Everyone except Haru cried out at this, and Rei whispered something to Nagisa before the girls left to settle in and leave the boys to their training.

The team changed into their swimsuits, and Makoto stood in front of them, his back to the ocean, explaining their training regimen. Nagisa and Rei ran off into the ocean when he was finished, and Haru started to walk forward to join them. When he saw Makoto just standing there, staring out at the pleasantly-blue waves, he stopped. The wind ruffled his hair and he looked as though he were remembering something unpleasant. He saw Haru looking at him, and slightly turned his head, his serious expression still there. It changed after a second, though, to a gentle smile.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine,” he assured Haru. “Let’s get going.”

“Yeah…”

Makoto began walking, somewhat stiffly, towards the water, and Haru looked after him. Makoto stepped into the water without hesitating and put on his goggles. Haru sighed and followed. He caught up to Makoto and Makoto smiled at him.

“See,” he said, wading in the water and breathing deeply, “this isn’t so bad. The water’s warm; it’s crystal clear and almost as lovely a blue as your eyes—“

Haru looked at him. Makoto continued to exhibit his nervous smile and took in an even deeper breath.

“Let’s catch up to them.” Makoto nodded to Nagisa and Rei and began a front crawl towards the two who could be heard bickering and laughing from the considerable distance they were ahead of them.

Haru thought about that comment, but he convinced himself it didn’t mean anything—Makoto was just nervous. Luckily Makoto seemed to relax relatively quickly, though. Soon he was laughing and joking with Nagisa and swimming like he always did in the pool. Haru allowed a close-mouthed smile.

When they made it to the first island, they stopped for a minute to catch their breath before beginning their run. Rei had been behind the three of them during the swimming portion, but once they started running he ran ahead of them confidently—his form, of course, perfect and his expression serious and calculating. Haru was the one behind during their jog, during which time he examined Makoto in front of him. Turned out he wasn’t done thinking about the eye compliment after all, because all he could think was that those gorgeously toned back muscles had told him his eyes were lovelier than the ocean. _The ocean._ Well, okay not those back muscles themselves, but the consciousness whose those muscles belonged to did, and that was just as good. He stopped himself in his thoughts. Had he been thinking Makoto’s back muscles were gorgeous? He stared once again at his back. They definitely weren’t not gorgeous, he concluded. And he could say that someone had nice muscles and be flattered by a compliment they gave him without it meaning anything, right? Yes, he could, because to say he was attracted to Makoto in any way would be ridiculous. They had been best friends forever. Haru knew many girls found Makoto more than pleasing to look at—something he had never disagreed with—but he wasn’t sure if saying he was actually attracted to Makoto and wanted him to take him out on dates to the movies and to coffee shops and to various swimming locations like those girls did would be exactly accurate.

They reached the point where they would once again enter the water, and Haru watched Makoto wade out into the water and dive in, resurfacing with water flying out of his hair and cascading down his handsome face. Haru dove in as well and  cursed himself for staring, hoping it was in no way obvious and glad—not for the first time—that he was in the back. A swimming trip was not the time to analyze his relationship with Makoto. The swimming trip was about swimming. And boy was swimming something Makoto did well. Haru closed his eyes, disappointed with himself for disobeying so quickly, and went underwater with his face to the surface.

“Haru?” exclaimed Makoto, his voice muffled by the water.

Haru opened his eyes and resurfaced.

“Hey,” he said nonchalantly.

“What are you doing? Are you alright?” Makoto questioned, concerned.

“Yeah,” he replied. “You?”

Makoto sighed a small sigh and nodded.

Haru managed to swim the rest of the day without thinking about Makoto the entire time. Instead he thought about the water comfortably wrapped around him, his friends splashing around next to him, and Rin…He tried not to dwell on that last one, as it usually just put him in a despondent mood.

By the end of the day they all collapsed, exhausted from all the swimming and running and swimming and running and swimming and running. Rei criticized his performance, but Makoto tried to reassure him that he did a great job for a beginner. Haru watched and listened to Makoto try to cheer Rei up, which made a miniscule little smile tug at the corners of his lips. Makoto was always kind, but he was also always genuine. Haru marveled at how he could do it.

Miss Amakata called them over to eat, and they all crowded around to stuff their faces after their exhausting day. By the time they finished cleaning up and the girls left, the sun had set.

“Haru and I will be in this tent,” Makoto decided, pointing to the one they set up.

Haru looked up at Makoto, and he smiled down at him, bobbing his head so his hair did a little jig.

“What?” Nagisa protested. “I want to sleep with Haru-chan!”

Rei looked almost hurt, asking, “You don’t want to be in a tent with me?”

Haru saw Makoto grinning at him with an eyebrow raised, and then laugh, putting a hand up to his mouth, when Nagisa said he didn’t want to sleep with Rei because he probably grinded his teeth when he slept, bringing much protest from Rei.

To settle it, Nagisa declared they all play ninja. Makoto eagerly agreed and Rei didn’t know how to play. Haru pouted. He’d always found it kind of irritating how people would gather in an obnoxious circle, doing weird poses and bickering over the rules, all while slapping each other. He joined in half-heartedly, outnumbered and not willing to put up a fight to pick a different game. Haru got out right away of course, and Rei went next, still not sure exactly what the rules were. Nagisa just cackled evilly, telling him it was too bad and better luck next time. It was down to Nagisa and Makoto. It may have been dramatic and intense if Haru cared, which he didn’t really. Though when the smacking sound of Nagisa’s hand slapping Makoto’s snapped out, Haru couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed.

 

Haru jolted up. He focused all his attention, boosted by a sudden surge of adrenaline, on listening.

“Did you hear that?” he asked Nagisa.

“Huh, wha-?” Nagisa propped himself up on his elbow and rubbed his eyes, sleep heavy in his voice.

“I thought I heard someone.”

They both strained their ears, Haru’s eyes were wide with fear, but heard only the wind and rain attacking the tent. Haru unzipped the tent and poked his head out. He ducked out of the tent, an arm up against the pelting rain, and made his way over to where Makoto and Rei were sleeping.

“Makoto?” Haru sounded almost pleading.

The flap was open and doing a provocative dance in the wind, and Haru pulled it aside. Nagisa peeked in the tent next to Haru, but when they looked in no one was inside.

“Huh? They’re gone,” Nagisa observed.

Having read his fair share of _Ranger’s Apprentice_ , Haru put a hand out to feel the blankets and sleeping bags.

“They’re still warm,” he reported.

Nagisa yawned and offered, “Maybe they went to the bathroom.”

He clearly wasn’t very disturbed by the situation, and Haru only wished he could say he felt the same. Fear formed a pit in his stomach and his brows furrowed. He jumped up and spun around, scanning the ocean, the viscous waves illuminated by the occasional flash of lightning. Two shapes bobbed in the water and Haru’s eyes widened in horror.

Nagisa saw them too and sputtered, “Is that—“

“Nagisa,” he commanded, “go get help!”

Nagisa objected, shouting at him not to go, but he had already taken off, ripping his shirt over his head and diving headfirst into the waves. He couldn’t believe Makoto would be so stupid. What was he thinking?! He swam desperately out to where Makoto and Rei were being thrown around by the storm. He thought he heard Nagisa swim up next to him, clearly not getting help, but that didn’t matter to him. He needed to reach Makoto.

As Haru neared Makoto, he saw him just floating, frozen with fear, his eyes locked on some unknown target.

“Makoto!” cried Haru.

He swam up and hooked his arms under Makoto’s—Makoto choking on the water invading his mouth. Apprehension took over Haru’s face as he looked at Makoto, gasping and sputtering.

“I’ll get Rei-chan!” Nagisa shouted.

Haru acknowledged Nagisa, but before Nagisa could reach Rei, a gargantuan wave rose up. Haru’s mouth gaped and he clutched onto Makoto even tighter before the wave crashed over them. They were submerged in the churning seawater, Haru trying both to hang on to Makoto for dear life and to find his way to the surface for air. They were thrown violently, and Makoto was ripped from his grasp. Haru shouted vainly, crying out, as he used all the strength he could muster to retrieve his friend, praying there wasn’t another wave that would separate them and take Makoto away from him forever. He stretched out his arm and grabbed Makoto’s wrist as if failing to do so would cause the end of the world. Makoto was pulled into Haru’s embrace, Haru kicking to the surface.

Haru exploded out of the dark torrent, gasping for breath and choking. He turned his head from side to side, trying to find land. He spotted a bank of sand and the silhouette of trees not far off.

He readjusted Makoto in his arms and choked, “You’re going to be all right, Makoto. I’m going to get us both to land. We won’t die here, I promise.”

Haru swam towards safety, the trees and solid land taunting him as he was tossed about by the monstrous waves. When he reached shallower water, he put his feet down on the soft sand gratefully. Gasping, he slung Makoto’s arm over his shoulder and put an arm around his waist. Haru’s steps became less steady, his legs quivering with each step, but he eventually stepped out of that wretched water that tried to take Makoto away from him. He focused on the ground in front of him, still panting, but determined to get Makoto as far away from the sea as he could manage. Finally he dropped Makoto in exhaustion and fell on the ground himself, his arms propping him up. He gasped, his body heaving. After using only a moment to breathe, Haru threw himself over Makoto, clasping his shoulders.

“Makoto! Makoto!” he pleaded. “Wake up!”

He shook the unconscious boy in front of him as the rain fell mercilessly around them. Makoto’s mouth was slack and Haru stopped shaking him, fear slapped on his face. He pulled back and sat up.

“Someone…is anyone there?!” he yelled into the darkness. He scoured the area around him, but saw no one. “Nagisa? Rei!”

Still no one responded.

Haru quivered and clapped a fist to his mouth. He felt tears begin to sting his eyes, and he tried to calm his breathing. This was not the time to freak out or break down. Makoto needed help; Makoto needed him.

He stared helplessly at Makoto. Makoto couldn’t die here, he couldn’t, he just couldn’t. Makoto would never leave him. What would he even do without Makoto? What would he do without Makoto next to him, smiling and laughing, stopping him from diving into fish tanks, helping him out of the tub or pool, offering words of encouragement, the kindness of his heart—his heart! He didn’t even know if it was still beating.

He leaned down, placing his ear on his drenched chest.

_Thump, thump. Thump, thump._

“It’s beating,” he muttered, relieved.

Haru sat back on his feet.

_Is he injured?_ he wondered.

He looked up and down Makoto’s seemingly-lifeless body. There were no cuts, no gashes or abrasions breaking up his smooth skin; no bones appeared to be broken, crippling those strong arms. He looked back to his face, those usually-smiling eyes still closed. He didn’t look peaceful, and Haru’s heart twisted. Haru placed his hand on the other side of Makoto’s face and put his ear down to Makoto’s mouth and nose. Shallow breaths landed on Haru’s ear and the side of his face.

He was breathing, albeit barely, but at least he was breathing.

A couple tears finally made it past the barricade, and Haru quickly swiped them away. When he looked back at Makoto, a raindrop had fallen and ran down Makoto’s face, making it look like Makoto was crying too.

“No, I told you Makoto—I’m not going to let you die here,” Haru quavered.

Haru recalled the CPR training he’d had in school. Wasn’t that only for when people weren’t breathing at all though? Haru’s eyes burned, looking at Makoto and wishing desperately for him to just wake up.

He felt so useless. And alone. Sitting there on that stormy beach, Haru had never in his life felt so alone before. He had to do something, something so his life wouldn’t become this desolate, Makoto-less beach.

He leaned in and tilted Makoto’s head back. Water dripped off of Haru’s hair and pattered onto Makoto. Haru took in a deep breath, and he lowered his mouth to meet Makoto’s. Haru’s lips just barely touched Makoto’s when suddenly Makoto jerked away onto his side. He coughed, his body convulsing, and water flew out of his mouth.

“Makoto!”

Relief flooded over Haru. Makoto was alive! He was going to be okay. Though he looked terrible. His eyes were heavily lidded and he was curled feebly into a fetal position, but he was alive and Haru didn’t know if he’d ever seen something so beautiful before.

Makoto turned his head to look at Haru.

“Haruka…?” he choked.

Haru was still hovering over him, and he realized he must of still looked crazed and panicked, his eyes wide and red, and his voice hysterical as he asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Makoto croaked, but where—“

Haru flung himself over Makoto, hugging him tighter than he’d ever hugged someone before. The tears flowed freely now, though it was hard to tell in the pouring rain.

“Don’t ever do that to me again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa did someone say episode summary? That's not going to continue, I promise. I rewatched episode 6 in season one not too long ago, and I felt like this was a really important point in their relationship so I had to include it. 
> 
> agnst, episode summaries, shit i didn't mean for this to happen i swear


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to talk about feelings yo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so unhappy with this chapter for the longest time. And I still am. So sorry if it sucks.

The moment they ran into Rin, seeing him again for the first time in years, Makoto felt this ugly knot begin to form in his stomach. At first he was confused by his reaction. Rin used to be one of his best friends. Shouldn’t he be exuberant at seeing him again? But when he looked over and saw the look on Haru’s face as he stared at the tall, muscular, Australia-hardened figure in front of them, he understood.

Makoto, of course, loved Haru, though he would’ve been lying if he said that it’d always been strictly platonic. He’d thought of Haru romantically before; he’d had a crush here and there, more than once he’d wanted nothing more than to tackle Haru while they were watching a movie and cuddle with him, stared a little too long while pulling him out of his latest swimming adventure, wanted to lean down and kiss him on their walk back from school. But he wouldn’t say he was in love with Haru. He wasn’t obsessed over him, didn’t spend nights longing for him. Until Rin came.

Makoto jealously began imagining scenarios where Haru left him and went with Rin. He thought what it would be like without Haru, and it made him feel like a black hole had formed inside him. He started to think Haru would be happier with Rin, and the thought made him nauseous. But why, why did it make him nauseous? Why did he care so much if Haru chose Rin over him? Initially he brushed it off, saying that they’d been best friends forever so of course he didn’t want Haru to be better friends with someone else, leave him for someone better. But then, did Makoto not feel secure enough in his friendship with Haru? He’d always felt like Haru found Rin far more interesting than him. Rin lit a spark in Haru that no one else ever did, and as Makoto thought about it he realized he had always been a little jealous of that. The way he captivated Haru’s attention and interest so intently bothered Makoto. Was he not enough for him? Was Haru not happy with just being Makoto’s friend? Then again, Makoto just wanted Haru to be happy. Haru had always been there for him, and the last thing he wanted to see was Haru broken down and lost and desperate. If Rin was the one to make Haru truly happy, he was okay with that. Except, he really wasn’t. And he realized this after a dream he had one night, a couple weeks after Rin’s return and the birth of Makoto’s building inner strife.

He was sitting on a beach, but it wasn’t just any beach—a random, non-existent place like the settings of his dreams often were. He was at the beach near his home, sitting where he and Haru had first met. It was a pleasant night and the warm breeze blew in the salty smell of the ocean. The waves were crashing gently on the shore; the sand was cool around Makoto’s feet. His knees were pulled part-way up and his hands were spread, supporting his weight as he leaned back. A cloud had been blocking the full moon, but it moved away, releasing the pure glow.

Makoto looked to his right, and Haru was sitting there by his side, staring blankly out at the waves, his hair blowing gently in the wind. Haru turned his head so his eyes, shining in the moonlight, locked with Makoto’s, the waves echoing in the background.

“Makoto,” Haru said, his voice an irresistible whisper.

“Yes, Haru?” Makoto whispered.

“I’ll never leave you,” that sweet voice promised.

Makoto’s eyes widened and his mouth parted. He felt his heart clench. Haru was never going to leave him. He put his left hand up to his cheek. A tear had trailed down his face. He looked at the shining wetness on his hand, and then slowly closed his fist. He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. He put his hand over Haru’s and looked at him. Haru was still staring at him, and Makoto tried to say something. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was going to say, but whatever it was wouldn’t bring a smile to Haru’s face. It felt like whatever he had to say would only cause pain in that heart he loved so much. So he didn’t say anything. Instead, he smiled, hiding whatever sorrow he knew about from Haru.

Haru had leaned in closer to Makoto, his eyes were half-lidded. Makoto had the irrepressible need to kiss him, and he knew Haru wanted to kiss him too. So he put his hand behind Haru’s head and pulled him into his lips and kissed him. It was just a dream, but it felt so real and wonderful, and when he woke up he could’ve sworn he could still taste the faint tang of salt on his lips and feel the soft brush of Haru’s hair on his face.

After that dream, romantic and sexual strife smacked Makoto him harder than an unsuspecting bug hitting the windshield of a car flying down a highway at eighty miles an hour. And that dream fucked him up, because now he couldn’t go about his life like a normal person. Instead he thought about how nice it would be to actually kiss Haru and just how attractive he really was like hot damn that boy was smokin’. And not to mention his fears and jealously only got progressively worse. He imagined seeing Rin kiss Haru and felt his heart constrict and explode into a million shattered, bloody pieces. So now not only was Rin taking away his best friend, but he was getting to kiss that sweet water-loving ass too. What a bastard. How could Haru choose Rin over Makoto for kissing though? He had those weird pointy teeth. Makoto’s were nice and normal and would never accidentally puncture Haru’s tongue or any other part of him. Plus, his hair was pink. _Pink_. What kind of guy had pink hair? Not Makoto.

This infatuation was unlike any of the others he’d had for Haru before, and he didn’t really know how to handle it. So, he decided—maybe a little in vain—to just ignore it. Because it was probably going to go away. Sure he’d never had recurring dreams about anyone before, never wanted to badly to just hold their hand and keep them by his side forever. But that didn’t mean anything. He was just being ridiculous and unnecessarily jealous of Rin. And that was all.

 

\---

 

He woke up, choking and coughing violently. He heard Haru shouting, calling out his name and sounding concerned. Makoto turned and peered in the direction of that voice. A blurry Haru was leaning over him, his eyes wide and his mouth an open frown of distress.

At first he thought he was dreaming. Haru leaning over him, concerned only about him, no one else seeming to be in the vicinity, and they were on a beach—which had, due to recent dreaming, become a very romantic location for him. A certain, odd kind of happiness flooded over him, but then memories of what had happed started to trickle back over him, and he most certainly was not dreaming.

Last thing he remembered had had been in the ocean, swimming out to save Rei. But he had froze—terrified and unable to do anything. He thought he remembered Haru grabbing onto him, but then he’d been pummeled by something and everything went black. But now he was on land with Haru. Haru must have saved him.

“Haruka…?”

Haru asked if he was okay, his voice shaking. Makoto answered him, and was about to ask a question when Haru suddenly flung himself onto Makoto. Makoto stiffened slightly at Haru’s sudden display of affection, but he quickly relaxed and hugged Haru back. He hugged Haru. Haru. He was hugging him. He took in a shaky, somewhat-satisfied breath. Though when he realized Haru was crying, he heart sank and he hugged Haru tighter, willing Haru’s distress away and trying not to imagine whatever horribleness had caused this pain in Haru. He laid there, tightly holding Haru while he sobbed, and tried to get his thoughts together. Haru rarely broke down like this, and Makoto normally would’ve said something had he been able to think clearer. He wondered why exactly Haru was so upset, and it made him extremely concerned. His head pounded; he had burning questions that needed answers.

Haru sat up and stared at Makoto, relief painted on his face. Makoto sat partway up and decided he could now ask what he was wondering: where Rei was, if he was okay, where they were. But when he started to speak, a coughing fit overtook him and he doubled over.

“Makoto!” Haru cried out in concern, lightly touching a shoulder.

When Makoto stopped coughing and looked up at Haru, Haru said, “You shouldn’t be moving around.”

“Wh-where’s Rei?” Makoto croaked, still trying to focus his vision.

“Let’s get out of the rain,” Haru said, not seeming to have heard what he said.

“But Rei’s in trouble!”

“Nagisa is taking care of it!” Haru shouted. Then he backed off a little, looking down and off to the side. “You don’t need to worry about it. Just worry about yourself for a second.”

Makoto stared, mouth slightly agape, at Haru and noticed his lip quiver. Haru took a deep breath, probably trying to steady himself. Makoto decided to drop it—if only for just a second—and started to get up.

Haru helped him up and slung one of Makoto’s arms over his shoulder, despite Makoto saying his was fine and could walk. They trudged through the sand and made it to the line of trees and wall of rock. Haru guided him over to a spot that was protected from the rain by a small overhang. Makoto gingerly sat down, Haru not letting go of him until he was situated. Haru plopped down next to Makoto and breathed a deep sigh.

Neither of them said anything. Makoto looked out at the pouring rain and restless waves. He glanced over at Haru. He had his arms resting on his knees, his hands hanging limply down. He face looked weighed down as he stared at his feet. Makoto looked down at his own feet and hugged his knees.

After a minute, Haru broke the silence. “Have you calmed down?”

Makoto looked over at Haru. He felt like he should be the one asking Haru that, who was still staring at the ground in front of him.

“Yeah,” he whispered.

There was a pause again. Makoto watched the rain drip down from the rock above them.

“I thought,” Haru choked, “I thought you were going to die.”

Tears were pooling in Haru’s eyes. His lip quivered as he was biting it.

He continued, “I was so scared. I didn’t know what I would do if you didn’t wake up.”

Haru broke into tears. Makoto released the grasp on his legs as sympathy drew down his face. Haru pulled his knees together and hugged them.

 “I’d never…I’d never felt so useless and utterly alone.”

Makoto’s frown deepened, and he just wanted to pull Haru to him and hug him, resting his chin on Haru’s head and telling him everything was okay. He wanted to tell him that he was fine, he was alive and that Haru had no reason to cry and worry, that he loved him so much and it made his heart soar to know Haru was so worried about him and cared so much, all while laying soft kisses in his hair. But he didn’t. Instead he just apologized.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I—“

“It’s not your fault,” Haru contradicted shakily. He wiped his eyes and sniffed.  Haru sat up straighter and looked at Makoto. “It’s not.”

Makoto’s eyes were sad as he looked at Haru. He drew back a little, then slumped down and looked at the sand. He buried his toes in it, resting his chin on his knees.

“But I organized this trip; I started the swim club. But it was all because…because I wanted to swim with you again.”

Makoto clenched his hands tighter. Haru glanced at him out of the corners of his eyes, tilting his head a bit in Makoto’s direction.

“I wanted to swim with you again, and see you happy again. Because without you…” Makoto’s words trailed off as he looked at Haru out of the corner of his eye.  

Haru’s eyes were wide, his face covered in such vulnerable expectancy, and Makoto turned his head all the way to look at him. He looked so shaken, and the way he was looking at Makoto…Makoto's heart began to pound against his chest, and he just wanted to pounce on Haru, kissing and embracing him. Makoto felt his eyelids droop, felt himself lean in slightly, his hand surreptitiously making its way to Haru’s face.

But then he stopped, seeing movement in his peripheral vision. Makoto looked back out at the waves to where a little boy was excitedly bouncing about on the shore. He held a blue shell, and kneeled in front of an impressive sandcastle. He leaned in, shell in hand, and shoved it onto the center tower while another boy with deep-water-abyss-colored hair walked up behind him, watching him. The tower crumbled, crashing and joining the chaos of the storm. The first boy gaped in disappointed shock, while the one behind him ran away and faded off.

No. Makoto stopped himself and sat back up, shamefully staring at his knees. No matter how badly he wanted to, he couldn’t kiss Haru. He couldn’t risk wrecking their friendship, causing it to crumble in ruins, only to be washed away by relentless waves. He left it as it was, without that final touch that would make it all perfect, but unaltered and whole. And whatever else Haru or Makoto may have said to the other in that storm was left unshared, as Rei and Nagisa bounded up, calling to them and pulling them back into the world beyond their sheltered overhang, back away from where they were the only ones who mattered.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleepover fun and nighttime thinking woo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got a chance to finish this. (Yay Fall Break!) Anyways, I'm exhausted now, so I may end up going back and changing some things, but I just wanted to get this chapter finished and up before it ended up ignored for two weeks while I was out looking for my motivation.
> 
> Guys, I've realized I'm terrible at writing anything even remotely angsty. And for that I apologize.

“What movie do you want to watch?” Haru asked Makoto.

Makoto’s big the-highlight-color-on-survey-corps-cloaks eyes lit up. He paused in his nidification, bouncing on his blob of sleeping bag and blankets and pillows. He was at Haru’s house, and it was their first sleepover, so he had to pick a good movie. It needed to be something he really liked and something that Haru would like too.

“Hmmm…do you have _The Little Mermaid_?” he inquired, thinking, what with Haru’s love for water that he’d love _The Little Mermaid_.

Haru’s face fell into a scowl, and Makoto stopped bouncing.

“No. I will never watch _The Little Mermaid_ ever again. Ever. I don’t even like to talk about it.”

“But,” Makoto surmised, “I thought you loved the ocean and water and mermaids?”

“I do,” Haru replied. “But Ariel does not. She trades her tail—her beautiful mermaid tail!—for legs! _Legs!_ What sane person would do that?! She’s able to swim. Forever. In the ocean. But no, she’s not happy with that. She needs to go on land. Where she can’t swim. Or speak. All because of some prince with a flute and shaggy, slobbery dog.” Haru crossed his arms and pouted. “Really, I’m on Ursula’s side. She wants to rule the ocean. Now that is something I can agree with.”

Makoto laughed.

“Why are you laughing. _The Little Mermaid_ is not a comedy, it’s a tragedy.”

“No, no,” Makoto corrected, waving his hand while laughing even harder, “it’s just, I’ve never seen you so upset about something, and that something is _The Little Mermaid_.”

Haru narrowed his eyes as he studied the cackling boy in front of him.

Makoto caught his breath, then asked, “Well, then what do you want to watch, Haru-chan?”

Haru contemplated for a moment. He decidedly replied, “ _Ghostbusters.”_

“ _Ghostbusters?_ Is it a scary movie?”

“No,” Haru said simply. “It’s not scary. It’s just about these guys who capture ghosts for a living.”

Makoto scrunched his shoulders up and lowered his head.

“That sounds kinda scary…” he worried.

“I told you, it’s not scary. There’s a giant man made out of marshmallows in it. How could that be scary?” Haru assured.

Makoto looked up and grinned at Haru.

“A giant marshmallow man?”

“Yup.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound so bad…”

Haru bounded over to the cabinet where they kept the movies, and he pulled a VHS tape out. He stuck it in the VCR, but when it came up the credits were scrolling across the screen.

“Oh man, hold on I gotta rewind it.”

Haru pulled the tape out and Makoto snuggled up in his blanket nest. Haru stuck the tape in a car sitting on a table and pressed a button. It lit up and the whirring of the tape being rewound buzzed out.

“Whoa!” Makoto exclaimed. “Your tape rewinder is a car?”

“Uh-huh,” Haru nodded.

“That’s so cool,” Makoto gasped, bounding over to watch the car rewind the tape in amazement.

Haru watched Makoto as he stared, completely entranced, at the car.

Haru’s grandma walked in the room, and seeing them huddled around the rewinder, she snickered.

“What are you boys doing?” she asked with a smile.

“We’re going to watch _Ghostbusters_ ,” Haru answered, still observing Makoto.

“ _Ghostbusters?_ Isn’t that a little scary?”

“Wha-?!” Makoto fretted. His head whipped up and he looked at Haru, mild panic slapped across his face. His expression hardened to hurt and betrayal. “You said it wasn’t scary!”

“It’s not,” Haru complained.

Makoto stammered, looking nervously at Haru’s grandma. “But-but-but she said it is…”

“But it’s not. She’s never seen it. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

His grandma guffawed, and a wicked smile crept onto Makoto’s face.

“I don’t know,” Makoto said nonchalantly, “I still say we watch _The Little Mermaid_.”

Haru’s eyes narrowed and he stuck his lip out, his cheeks puffing up as he pouted.

Makoto’s smiled widened, and he laughed.

“I’m just kidding, Haru-chan!” Makoto tittered.

Haru’s face relaxed, and he sighed, a small smile sneaking on to his face.

The tape rewinder abruptly stopped, and Haru took the tape out before walking over to the VCR.

As Haru put the tape in, his grandmother asked, “Do you boys want some popcorn?”

“Ooh! Yes, please!” Makoto responded while Haru replied, “Of course.”

Makoto plopped down in his pillow nest, and Haru flicked off the lights. Haru then fell next to Makoto and watched the previews on the screen. The groaning of the microwave crept into the living room from the kitchen, soon accompanied by the popping of popcorn. Haru’s grandma brought them the bowl of popcorn, and they both thanked her before eagerly eating it. Makoto closed his eyes and smiled at Haru as they both popped pieces into their mouths.

The movie started and Makoto soon realized Haru had lied to him because _Ghostbusters_ was, in fact, a scary movie. He ended up clutching Haru’s sleeve, then his arm, and then he was behind Haru, his head peeking over his shoulder at the movie or buried into Haru’s shoulder to block out the scary images. When the giant marshmallow man came into play he was not a nice man simply made out of marshmallows and wanting to bring everyone smiles and cheer as Haru had led Makoto to believe. On top of that Haru had neglected to share with Makoto that the movie contained scary possessed refrigerators, disturbing hellhounds, and freaky ladies who floated above beds and acted like rabid dogs.

The movie ended and the credits started scrolling by.

“So,” Haru said, turning around to look at Makoto who was hugging him from behind and hiding half of his face behind Haru’s shoulder, his eyes wide, “what’d you think?”

Makoto hugged Haru tighter, mumbling into his shirt, “I didn’t like it. It was scary.”

“Well, it’s okay. The movie’s over now, see? And it’s all made up anyways,” Haru comforted.

Makoto seemed unconvinced, however.

“Or at least, all that Gozer god stuff.”

Makoto’s eyes widened even more, which was apparently possible. Haru stood up to stop the movie before the deafening screeching of a completed VHS tape attacked them. Instead of Makoto releasing his hold on Haru though, he stood up with him, still clutching onto his completely calm and composed friend. Haru paused and looked at Makoto, then just continued on his way to the VCR and took out the tape.

“Makoto,” Haru stated, “we’re going to need to do something about this. You can’t hold onto me all night long.”

“Watch me…” Makoto unexpectedly muttered. If he let go of Haru it would make him vulnerable to supernatural attacks and he was not about to let that happen.

Haru allowed a small smirk and snicker.

Haru’s grandmother walked into the room then, suggesting they go to bed since it was late. Haru willingly complied, Makoto still a petrified, human-shaped backpack hanging onto him.

“Is he alright?” his grandma asked, motioning to Makoto.

“Yeah, he’s fine.”

“No I’m not,” Makoto protested. “Haru made me watch a scary movie.”

Haru’s grandma tch-ed and put a hand on her hip.

“I told you that was a scary movie, Haru. Next time you need to watch something more appropriate. Just look what you did to poor Makoto.”

Haru turned to look at Makoto, and Makoto stuck out his bottom lip at him.

Haru shrugged. “He seems fine to me.”

His grandma rolled her eyes and went to her room.

“I was going to suggest we build a pillow fort,” Haru mused, “but I’m going to assume you’re not really up for that right now.”

Makoto shook his head, and Haru nodded.

“Alright, we’ll just sleep in my bed then.”

Haru picked up some of the blankets and pillows and carried the blob to his room. He threw them on his bed, but kept one and flung it around Makoto.

“Here, that way you can stay safe while you jump into bed.”

Makoto hesitantly released his hold on Haru. He slowly pulled his arms back, then like a shot cocooned himself in the blanked and jumped onto Haru’s bed, keeping himself buried and hidden from any monsters. Haru turned off the light then lay down next to him and spread a blanket over both of them. There wasn’t any part of them sticking out, exposed to the dark and the creatures lurking therein.

Makoto peeked his head out of his blanket, and smiled at Haru, who was on his side, looking at Makoto. Makoto unwrapped himself from his blanket and threw it over Haru as well.

“I feel much safer now,” Makoto said.

“Good,” Haru whispered.

The two stayed awake for hours more, talking and giggling, Makoto gradually forgetting his fears. Buried under a mound of blankets they eventually fell asleep with each other’s warmth wrapping around them, keeping them safe as they slept.

 

\---

 

Makoto was lying in bed, exhausted and spent.

Haru had walked Makoto home, but when Makoto’s family saw they had returned from their weekend adventure, they insisted Haru come inside and eat some food while he and Makoto told them all about their trip. Makoto did most of the talking, though he casually skipped over the part where he almost drowned. He saw Haru coolly look at him when he failed to mention the storm that had led to the swim club spending a night in a deserted lodge, but he didn’t say anything, just nonchalantly drank from his glass.

Ran began exclaiming excitedly how she wanted to camp on the beach, too, and Ren insisted that Haru come too. Makoto had laughed, and Haru looked at him with a smirk. It was late by the time Haru was released to return to his own home. Makoto walked him to the door, and offered to walk Haru home, help carry some bags.

“No,” Haru had replied. “It’s fine. You should get some rest, anyways. You look beat.”

Makoto gave an airy laugh, grinning and ruffling the back of his hair.

“Yeah, I am pretty tired.”

Haru turned to the door, but then looked back at Makoto.

“Don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything, okay?”

Makoto dropped his hand.

“Yeah, I won’t. Ever again. I promise.”

Haru sighed a soft sigh of relief, and started to open the door.

“And Haru,” Makoto started, “thanks.”

Smiling weakly at Makoto, he said, “Don’t mention it. Just…don’t ever make me do it again.”

He opened the door all the way and walked out, beginning his ascent up the steps to his house. Makoto had hung out the door, watching Haru leave, stars sparkling in the sky. He sighed, then went back in and closed the door.

Makoto lay in bed. He had quickly brushed his teeth and thrown on some pj’s before turning out the lights and collapsing on his bed. He rolled over and stared up at the ceiling. He was exhausted, but instead of focusing on sleep he just thought about the parts of the weekend trip he’d left out when telling his parents.

Haru dripping wet and calling his name was not an image he would soon forget, but thinking of that panicked Haru just made Makoto want him there by his side right then. He needed him by his side so he could hold him and comfort him, telling him everything was okay, while making sure nothing bad ever happened to Haru again. Remembering Haru looking so afraid and worried caused his stomach to tighten. He never wanted to see Haru like that ever again. But then, Haru was that afraid and worried because he was so concerned Makoto was going to die. Makoto knew Haru cared about him, but he never thought it was to that extent. He didn’t know why he never thought that, he just didn’t. Sure he felt that way about Haru, but to think he returned those feelings had been previously unfathomable. He smiled as he realized maybe Haru even liked him in the sense that he wanted to kiss him and hold him, like Makoto did. It was foolish to think that, he knew. But recently he hadn’t been very good at keeping away foolish thoughts.

Makoto twisted himself up in his blanket.

“Haru…” he whined.

Suddenly he imagined his clumped up comforter was Haru, and he untwisted it from him so that he could hug it, squeezing it tight and wrapping his legs around the soft blanket pillar that was for the moment Haru. He imagined smelling the faint smell of chlorine in Haru's hair as he nuzzled it. He felt the muscles in his arm flex comfortably as he hugged Haru to him, his stomach and chest pressing against Haru's muscled back as he breathed. A tingling sensation began to creep over him as he even imagined Haru's ass resting snuggly into his lower abdomen. Makoto sighed. This was nice. Very nice. He closed his eyes, breathing in deeply and feeling like sleep was going to come relatively easily that night. 

His eyes snapped open. What was he doing? His cheeks began to burn red at his shame. He flung his legs off of the blanket, practically flailing and lay back on his pillow. He pressed the heels of his hands onto his eyes and groaned.

“I am so embarrassing,” he uttered.

But with his eyes closed, he imagined Haru holding himself up over him as he commented, “ _You’re not embarrassing, Makoto. You are stunningly perfect, and I wouldn’t change a single thing about you.”_

Imaginary Haru kissed Makoto, and Makoto indulged in the fantasy. After a few moments of imagining what it would be like to feel Haru’s tongue slide over his and explore his mouth, he ripped his hands off of his eyes, and his eyes flew open. He turned himself over and buried his face into his pillow, muffled shouting accompanying his kicking and pounding the bed with his fists. He stopped yelling and flailing and just lay there with his face still buried in his pillow. He picked his head up, eyelids hanging heavy over his eyes, and readjusted it so that his face was sideways on his pillow.

“What is wrong with me…”

Makoto grabbed for his blanket and cocooned himself in it. He pressed his balled fists full of comforter to his chest as he lay on his side, his legs pulled up so that he was a ball of misery and frustration. His face was the only visible part of him, and he took a breath, eyes closed. He attempted to empty his mind and to just sleep.

His phone vibrated on the nightstand next to him. Makoto cracked open his eyes. Who was texting him at this time? Haru, maybe it was Haru! Makoto’s eyes widened and he bolted upright, his blanket still wrapped around him. He clutched clumsily for his phone, hitting his clock and knocking off a pen on his nightstand as he brought the phone to his face. His blanket hugged him as he turned on his phone, the sudden brightness blinding Makoto and causing him to cringe like a goblin leaving a cave in the middle of the day for the first time in thirty years. He kept one eye scrunched tight and the other aggressively squinted as he looked at his phone.

 _One new message_ , his phone read.

Makoto unlocked it and pulled up his texts. There was a little one next to Haru’s name. That’s right there was a little one next to Haru. Makoto grinned smugly at himself.

**_From: Haru_ **

**_Don’t take this the wrong way or freak out, but would it be weird to say that I want to sleep with you like we did when we were kids and stuff_ **

Makoto felt like a knife had been driven into his stomach. _Don’t take this the wrong way_. That hurt. Of course Makoto wanted to sleep with him like when they were younger, of course it wouldn’t be weird—to him at least. He didn’t care if it was just innocent sleeping. That’s really all he wanted at the moment. He would even be fine with it if it meant no cuddling of any kind. He just really wanted Haru by his side, and his spirits lifted when he realized that Haru just wanted to be by his side too. Not only that though, because for Haru to have said he wanted Makoto next to him in bed meant that Haru was lying in bed and thinking about Makoto. He was thinking about Makoto. In bed. But Haru didn’t feel the same way as Makoto felt about him, as made clear by the “ _don’t take this the wrong way”_ comment. The little lift his spirits had made plummeted back down. He’d hoped that maybe Haru felt similarly—maybe Haru wanted nothing more than to kiss Makoto and hold his hand and snuggle while watching a movie and lean on each other while watching the sun set at the beach, too—but after that text, that idea was effectively obliterated.

**_To: Haru_ **

**_I don’t think it’s weird_ ** **_:)_ ** **_(though I’m sure my parents and Ren and Ran would think otherwise…)_ **

He pressed send. Then, out of curiosity and a sudden spike of concern, Makoto texted him again.

**_To: Haru_ **

**_What’s bringing this on though? Is everything alright?_ **

****

**_From: Haru_ **

**_Yeah, yeah Im fine. Just….this weekend kinda messed with me_ **

****

**_To: Haru_ **

**_I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t have rushed out there. It was brash and stupid. But everyone’s fine now, thanks to you._ **

Makoto sighed, falling back onto his pillow. What if Haru _hadn’t_ been there? He’d said that it was thanks to Haru that he and Rei hadn’t drowned more to comfort Haru, but he realized that it really was true. Haru was always there to save him from the ocean.

His phone buzzed.

**_From: Haru_ **

**_Everyone may be fine now but what if they weren’t? What if you weren’t? Then I’d never be able to get the chance to share the same bed with you after a scary movie or after I stayed over at your place too late playing videogames…..as much as I love water it doesn’t provide the same comfort you do in bed_ **

Makoto snickered tiredly at the last part while cursing Haru to the depths of the ocean—though he probably wouldn’t mind that too much. He read over the last line again, to make sure he had read it right. The knife in his stomach from the first text twisted around. Makoto closed his eyes and let out a shaky sigh. Haru had to be teasing him; he had to be. This was becoming too much. Makoto need Haru in his arms right now like he’d never wanted anything in between his finely-toned swimmer arms before.

**_To: Haru_ **

**_You know, I think everyone’s asleep. I can very easily be there in five minutes._ **

Makoto looked at what he had typed. It was true. There wasn’t a sound in the house, and it was late. All he’d have to do is throw his uniform in a bag, tiptoe to the front door, slide on his sneakers, and _bam!_ off to Haru’s house he’d go, his way illuminated by the glowing moon and sparkling stars. It would be like something straight out of a romance novel. How precious was that? But no. Makoto erased his message. Haru probably didn’t _really_ want Makoto there, hugging and spooning him as they slept in his bed. And what was he going to do for his parents? Leave a note saying, “ _Sorry, I had to rush out of the house and sleep with Haru. Swim Club business”_? No, so instead Makoto disappointedly typed a different response.

**_To: Haru_ **

**_Are you telling me you’ve slept with water before_ **

****

**_From: Haru_ **

**_Are you telling me you haven’t_ **

Makoto smiled at his phone, snickering. He refrained from writing “lol” as Haru passionately disapproved of it, saying that it was too mainstream and people had used it to the extent so that no one really believed someone was laughing out loud when they said “lol”, which apparently made it one of those shunned terms. So to keep from displeasing Haru, Makoto had to resort to other phrases which relayed his laughter. 

**_To: Haru_ **

**_Haha :)_ ** **_But seriously though whatever you need I am here. If you want to stay up late talking that’s fine with me. Want me to come over and have a ‘yay we’re alive!’ slumber party that’s cool too_ **

A past, pre-infatuated-with-Haru Makoto would have been a bit surprised at what he’d said. He’d meant it, of course, but usually he was not the one to suggest staying up way past when they should be asleep on a school night. Maybe this crush he had on Haru wasn’t as small and unimportant as he thought. It was causing Makoto to go against reason and be more than a tad bit rebellious. Whoa. Love is bad, kids. Don’t do it.

**_From: Haru_ **

**_Thanks Makoto. I really appreciate it. We should have a slumber party though. It’s been too long since we’ve stayed up all night dancing and causing the whole house to shake and watch movies while eating absurd amounts of popcorn. What do you say to this weekend?_ **

Makoto’s heart fluttered. Maybe he should say no. He might not be able to control himself, considering how bad a shape he was in now, much less if he and Haru were alone and staying up late in to those intimate hours…

**_To: Haru_ **

**_Absolutely!!_ **

Of course saying yes would work too.

**_From: Haru_ **

**_Great. Now if you don’t mind some people are trying to sleep_ **

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleepover time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter caused me to have an emotional breakdown. Writers are masochists.
> 
> I was in a rush to get this chapter posted, so I was going to take the easy way out and just put a (perfect) song in the beginning. However, I decided to quickly throw together a little scene afterall. (so you better appreciate it)
> 
> In case I don't find a way to incorporate the song into a chapter, it's called [If There Was No You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHolyGQy0mU) by Brandi Carlile, and it's perfect for them (well, it's good for any relationship really, but I especially like it for them). And you should definitely go listen to it. The song actually in this chapter is [For Reasons Unknown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG5X4kOjEX8), and you should listen to that one too.  
> 

Haru was swimming in the ocean. Makoto was sitting on the beach, basking in the sun and watching as Haru popped up and disappeared, time and time again, in the salty waves of the sea.

Makoto still wouldn’t swim in the ocean, but he didn’t mind going with Haru to the beach. He’d watch Haru swim, which would sometimes be for hours. Haru would always come to shore every now and then and spend time with Makoto. They’d build sandcastles or Haru would show Makoto a particularly impressive seashell he found out in the water. Sometimes, Makoto would walk to a nearby ice cream shop and buy ice cream or popsicles, bringing them back and motioning for Haru to come to shore so they could enjoy their icy treats.

Makoto leaned back, digging his feet into the sand. He smiled at Haru who was currently floating and thinking about who knows what. Makoto sat up and began scooping some sand together. He had long since stopped bringing toys to the beach, and he was mastering creating sandcastles without the aid of such childish tools.

He finished the main building when he heard sandy footsteps approaching him. He looked up and smiled at Haru. Haru wordlessly crouched down and began assisting Makoto with his sandcastle construction.

Haru never asked Makoto if he wanted to swim in the ocean. He’d asked only once. It was a couple weeks after the discovery of Makoto’s fear.

Makoto had skipped a week of swim practice, which Haru was in no way surprised by. When he didn’t show up the following week, however, Haru decided to confront him about it. Makoto had declared that he wouldn’t swim anymore, and so he wasn’t going to swim practice ever again. Haru had convinced him to go though, saying he wasn’t going to go if Makoto wasn’t going to be there. Makoto had reluctantly agreed, going simply for Haru’s sake. Makoto didn’t want to swim, but the instructor found a way so that Makoto wasn’t afraid to swim anymore. At least, in the pool.

The following weekend, Haru had asked if Makoto wanted to go to the beach and swim in the ocean with him. Makoto was back to swimming, so Haru had eagerly hoped that Makoto was ready to dive back into the ocean again, too. Makoto had vigorously shaken his head though. Fear was plain on his face, even at the mention of the ocean. Haru realized then just how afraid Makoto was of the ocean. He didn’t ask him to go to the beach with him again after that.

One day though, Makoto had showed up. He had seen Haru walking down to the beach, his goggles dangling in his grip as he practically skipped down the steps. Haru had briefly looked at Makoto’s house, and that look had stuck with Makoto. He sat around in his house, debating with himself. He finally dashed out of the house, running down to the beach where he sat and watched Haru swim.

Makoto had never seen Haru as excited as he was then as long as he had known him, and it was because of that that he always went with Haru to the beach.

“There,” Makoto said, sticking the final shell on the wall surrounding the sandcastle. “Hey, this one may be the best yet.”

“Yeah,” Haru smiled, “I think it is.”

They both stared in admiration at their fine work, then Haru stood up and put his goggles on. He walked back to the lapping water’s edge and dove back into the waves. Makoto watched him, smiling and settling comfortably down in the sand. He sat there, gazing at Haru as he cut through the waves, waiting patiently for Haru to return to shore and say when he was ready to go home.

 ---

 

Haru and Makoto were walking back from school, on their way to Haru’s home. It was Friday, and Makoto almost felt giddy about the sleepover he was about to partake in. He felt a little childish, having to bite his bottom lip to keep from smiling like a mom-devouring Titan. It’d been so long since they’d done this though that he couldn’t help but feel as though he were a little kid again. The last time they’d had a sleepover where they danced around and sang and watched movies and played games and ate nothing but popcorn was well before Haru’s grandmother had died, when they were still in middle school.

They were walking by the beach, the gentle crashing of the waves on the shore resonating in the background. Makoto looked passed Haru and out at the setting sun reflecting on the water. Haru’s gaze, however, was set dead ahead. Makoto noticed he hadn’t once looked out at the ocean since the previous weekend, contrary to his usual self who almost constantly stared out at the sea as long as it was in sight. He assumed that it had to do with last weekend’s escapades, but he figured Haru would snap out of it. However he had not, and Makoto was concerned.

“Maybe we should go to the beach this weekend,” suggested Makoto. He wanted to see how Haru would react, see if he could find out what was bothering him.

Haru glanced up at Makoto out of the corner of his eye.

“Why would we want to do that?” Haru asked, his voice flat.

“I dunno,” Makoto shrugged. “The ocean is beautiful. And now that I know I can swim in the ocean again I’d like to take advantage of that, make up for all this lost time in years past.”

“……Are you no longer scared of the ocean, Makoto? Even after what happened?” Haru questioned.

“No,” Makoto answered, shaking his head. “Well, I think I’ll always be a little scared of the ocean. But how it is now, calm and serene, I could go and dive in without any hesitation. If anything, last weekend showed that you’ll keep me safe. You’ll always save me from the sea. So as long as you’re there, I have nothing to fear. I know I’ll be safe.”

Makoto smiled at Haru, and Haru’s facial expression lightened slightly, his lips parted, his eyes widened, and he took in a breath.

“Yeah,” Haru whispered, his eyes almost closed, “I will.”

“ _You’re_ not scared of the ocean now, are you?” Makoto asked, his eyebrows furrowed. Makoto would’ve never thought in a million years—no, a billion—that Haru would ever become afraid of the ocean. He loved water so much, but maybe he was. Maybe their trip had affected him more than Makoto had thought.

“No,” Haru said, his face softening as a smirk crept onto his lips, “we were just having a little fight is all.”

Then Haru, for the first time that week, picked up his head and looked out at the ocean. He looked down in front of himself again, closing his eyes and smirking.

“You don’t really want to go to the beach this weekend, do you,” Haru mused.

Makoto laughed.

“Um, no, not really. But if you want to go, I won’t stop you. I’ll be there like always.”

Haru opened his eyes and smiled softly at Makoto.

Makoto so badly wanted to reach out and grab Haru’s hand in that moment and kiss him. To stop himself, he instead shoved his hand into the pocket of his pants. He clenched his fist, trying not to focus on how Haru’s face looked, awash in the glow of the sunset, the waves a perfect backdrop to his dark hair and flawless features.

They walked on, leaving the path hugging the beach, and Makoto chatted as they made their way to Haru’s house. They stopped at Makoto’s house so he could drop off his backpack and grab his overnight bag, calling out quick hello’s and then goodbye’s to his family.

Makoto joined Haru at the front door with a sleeping bag under one arm.

“A sleeping bag, eh?” Haru pointed out, making stunning deductions as always.

Makoto grinned, shaking his head with pride.

“Oh yeah. I’m going all out. This is going to be a legitimate sleepover party, whether you like it or not.”

Haru turned away, hiding his smirk, which only made Makoto smile wider.

They left his house and walked up the steps to Haru’s. Haru opened the door to his house, and they entered, taking off their shoes. Haru put down his backpack and Makoto his sleepover bag.

“So, what’s first on the agenda?” Makoto asked, his excitement plainly written on his face.

“Dinner,” Haru replied simply.

Makoto nodded and said, “Excellent. I’m going to use the bathroom, then I’ll help.”

Haru headed to the kitchen as Makoto ducked into the bathroom. When he came out he sighed, hearing the sizzling and popping sound of something being fried. He knew all too well what Haru was making, and he snickered to himself.

He walked through the little dining room and into the kitchen. Haru had his apron on and was standing in front of his stove, frying up mackerel in a pan. Makoto wished for a second that Haru was wearing his swimsuit while he was cooking, a thought which he quickly banished and locked away. He’d been doing that quite a bit lately.

Makoto had glumly accepted that his romantic for feelings for Haru had only worsened after Haru had saved him. The previous week had been borderline torture, having to go to swim practice every day and see Haru shirtless and wet and swimming. He’d seen Haru shirtless and wet and swimming countless of times before, of course, which is why pre-drowning-experience he hadn’t had much of a problem going through practice without thinking just how attractive Haru was. He had been able to get away with noting Haru’s particularly pleasant aesthetic just a couple of times every practice, but now the thoughts were harder to control and more frequent. The thoughts that usually plagued his mind while he was alone and in bed were finding themselves more often throughout the day. Makoto caught himself straight up staring, watching how Haru beautifully cut through the water, and when he got out of the pool, shaking water of his hair while droplets of water ran down his growing muscles. Unfortunately, Nagisa seemed to be catching on. He’d give Makoto mischievous looks every now and then, when Makoto would catch himself staring at Haru, quickly looking away and instead meeting the laughing eyes of Nagisa. Makoto would always feel embarrassed after that, and he only hoped Nagisa didn’t notice that too.

He had thought more than once about calling off the sleepover, not entirely sure if he could trust himself. But he too badly wanted to have the sleepover that his fears were dismissed and his wishes granted, so there he was, his thoughts already drifting away and out of his control.

“Why am I even surprised,” Makoto snickered, walking up next to Haru and his cooking.

“You didn’t tell me what you wanted, so I made mackerel.”

Makoto laughed. “You didn’t even ask me what I wanted. But I’m fine with mackerel. It’s been a while since I had it, anyway.”

“’It’s been a while’? How do you just go about life so casually caring about mackerel?”

Makoto smiled, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. He didn’t question if Haru ever became tired of mackerel, questioned how he could eat it so often. That would lead to a repeated conversation, and Makoto didn’t mind anyway. If anything he found it rather endearing.

“I can make a salad if you have the ingredients,” Makoto suggested.

“Yeah, I have some stuff,” Haru motioned with his free hand, “around.”

Makoto grinned and hunted around the kitchen to gather things to make a simple salad. He washed some lettuce, rolling his sleeves up, and began chopping vegetables. When he looked over at Haru he realized how domestic the scene was and unabashedly thought it was adorable. He felt perfectly comfortable, though that was likely because he and Haru had been best friends for years and he had long since felt comfortable and at home at Haru’s house, not because it was fate that he and Haru be together.

When Makoto finished, he opened a cupboard above him and got down some plates. He fetched glasses and filled them, placing them on the table. Forks and napkins were laid out as well, and then Makoto returned to the kitchen where Haru was done cooking the mackerel.

“Ooh, that looks delicious,” Makoto complimented, smelling and staring in awe at the mackerel Haru was carefully placing on their plates.

Haru gave a small smile down at the plates.

He excused himself, so Makoto took both plates to the set table after giving both of them a helping of salad. He sat down and waited for Haru to get back. Haru walked in the room and raised his eyebrows while a little grin tugged at his mouth.

He said, clearly pleased, “Oh, I leave and then come to find my dinner served and waiting at a set table. How romantic.”

Makoto’s stomach flipped. He hadn’t thought it was particularly romantic until Haru said that. He laughed airily as Haru sat down across from him and then Makoto, maybe somewhat daringly, said, “Should we get some candles and flowers to really top it all off?”

He laughed after he spoke, anxiously awaiting Haru’s reaction. Haru didn’t say anything and of course didn’t laugh. He simply smirked, looking down at his plate as he took a bite of the salad.

Makoto felt like he was going to throw up. He completely, wholeheartedly, one-hundred percent regretted saying that now. He looked uneasily at his food. If this was how the night was going to go then he didn’t think he’d be able to make it.

 

 

Hours had passed, and miraculously Makoto hadn’t once thought about Rin. It was well past midnight, and exhaustion was beginning to tug at Makoto, though he refused to succumb to it or mention his growing need for sleep. Makoto and Haru had played an old videogame on Haru’s even older PlayStation 2. It had been years since they’d played it, and Makoto was filled with nostalgia. He might have been acting old and sappy, but Makoto didn’t care. He was spending time doing things he loved and missed with Haru. It made him forget his secret fear of losing Haru.

After they had spent more than a couple hours playing videogames, Haru eventually managed to get Makoto to watch a new anime he was obsessed with. Makoto had been avoiding watching it for certain reasons, and those reasons were soundly supported after watching just the first two episodes. It was bloody and sad and there was so much crying and blood and sadness. People were dying, and Makoto cringed and cried out while Haru watched calm as ever. Makoto had stuck it out up to episode five, in which there was a twist which had taken him by surprise, but he declared that he was done and did not wish to continue watching it. Haru was clearly disappointed, but he complied.

Then Haru, at Makoto’s suggestion, plugged in his music playing device to the stereo in the living room. When he plugged it in, _For Reasons Unknown_ by The Killers started playing, and Makoto jumped up, elation all over his face. He was certain Haru had chosen it on purpose. It was one of their favorite songs when they were younger, but Haru swore that that song had just happened to be the next one playing. Makoto caught the slight smile Haru wore though as he looked away from him. Makoto began dancing around, belting out the lyrics. When he saw Haru stiffly sitting on the couch and _not_ singing along, he stopped.

“Aw, c’mon, Haru,” Makoto coaxed. “Belt it out. I know you know the lyrics. Where’s that excited boy who used to sing and dance all around with me?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Haru objected. “You were always the crazy singing one.”

“What?” Makoto puzzled, betrayed and shocked. “Are you telling me my entire childhood is a lie?”

“Your memory of apparently both of us singing and dancing is not your entire childhood.”

“But, when you texted me about this weekend you even said ‘it’s been too long since we’ve stayed up all night singing and dancing and causing the whole house to shake’,” Makoto insisted.

Haru protested, closing his eyes and turning his head up and to the side. “I never said anything about singing.” He slowly turned and looked back at Makoto. “And with the dancing I meant mostly you. I always found your dancing to be highly entertaining.”

“I refuse to believe this.”

“I never sang passionately along to anything.”

“Well…” Makoto smirked, grinning wickedly at Haru, remembering an instance when Haru had most certainly been singing passionately.

Haru snapped to attention and his gaze bore into a giggling Makoto. “No. What did I say. Never speak of it.”

Makoto just laughed, causing Haru to scowl.

Makoto carried on singing, alone. In his dancing he exhibited the well-practiced ‘oh no there’s a squirrel in my pants’ style. At one point he looked at Haru who had a hand up to his mouth, and Makoto would’ve sworn it was to stop himself from laughing. Happiness exploded in his chest; Makoto didn’t think he’d ever smiled so widely before. He continued singing and jumping around with new vigor. The song ended and Makoto struck a dramatic pose, then collapsed stiffly to the ground. Looking up at the ceiling, he gasped for breath between deep-bellied laughs.

He sighed and closed his eyes, the smile stuck on his face.

“Well, now _that_ ,” Haru surmised, “was a show. And people say I look beautiful in the water. They’ve clearly never seen Makoto Tachibana sing along to The Killers.”

A fit of laughter took hold of Makoto again. He picked his head up and looked at Haru. He had a knee pulled up and an arm rested on it, hand clasping his opposite shoulder. His face was hidden up to his nose by the crook of his elbow, but the evidence of a smile was blatant in Haru’s eyes.

Makoto bit his lip, still smiling, and his head fell back to the floor. It’d been a long time since he’d felt so utterly happy. He sat up, crossing his legs. Haru was still sitting quaintly on the couch, and Makoto admired the picture. His heart rate had slowed down from the dancing, but it picked up again. Haru had moved his chin from resting in his elbow to resting on his forearm and looking at nothing off to the side. His Batmobile-black hair was laying majestically and perfectly against his face, and Makoto wondered what it would feel like to run his fingers through it, to hold Haru’s face close to his.

Makoto’s chest tightened, and he swallowed. He stood up and sat down on the couch, near Haru. He situated himself so that his back rested on the end of the couch and his legs were pulled up on it.

“So,” Makoto said, “if we’re not going to dance and sing around like maniacs, what should we do?”

Makoto prodded Haru with his foot.

Haru looked at Makoto with a serious expression said, “Let’s talk about our feelings, our fears and desires, our ambitions and darkest secrets.”

Makoto, foolishly, took him seriously for a second. His eyes widened and his smile fell, but when he saw Haru’s smirk relief crashed over him. Unless that smirk wasn’t a sign of Haru making a joke, like it usually was. Maybe it’s because Haru knew something was up with Makoto, and he was feeling clever and devilish because he had a way for Makoto to share his woes.

Perhaps seeing Makoto’s minor panic, Haru recovered, “I’m just kidding. We’re not going to do that. Unless…there is something you want to talk about?”

Damn him. Of course Makoto had something he _wanted_ to talk about, but he had already decided that it was something he should not talk about. ~~  
~~

Makoto sighed, closing his eyes.

“Yes, yes there is, actually,” he admitted, his expression still drawn in seriousness. “I…I’ve been meaning to ask you something for a while now. I’ve just…never been able to bring myself to do it.”

Haru had leaned in closer to Makoto, his interest piqued. His mouth was slightly agape, his eyes seeing only Makoto.

“Do you,” Makoto looked, almost sheepishly, at Haru, “want to play Alpaca Dating Sim with me?”

Makoto grinned, and Haru huffed. His shoulders, which had tensed while Makoto was talking, slumped. Haru shook his head, a grin of his own sneaking onto his lips.

“Unbelievable. You actually had me believing you had something serious to say. No, I do not want to play Alpaca Dating Simulator with you. And for that ridiculous suggestion, you are being punished by having to watch a scary movie with me.”

Makoto bolted up, pulling his knees up to his stomach.

“Wha-?!” he cried. “No! Haru, please no.”

Haru smugly nodded his head. “Yup. That’s what you get.”

“But Haru,” he whined.

“Oh, get in the Halloween spirit,” Haru jested.

Makoto pursed his lips and scrunched his eyebrows together.

“Halloween spirit? But, it’s July.”

“Oh,” Haru said, seemingly surprised. “And so it is. Oh well, we can still watch a scary movie.”

Haru got up and walked over to sift through his movies while Makoto sprawled on the couch, exasperated.

“Can we please watch something else?” Makoto pleaded.

“Why? Will you not be able to sleep if you watch something scary before bed?”

Makoto pouted. Then Makoto was the one grinning smugly as a suggestion came to him.

“I know,” Makoto boasted, “let’s watch _The Little Mermaid II_.”

Haru stiffened and stopped in his movie searching. Makoto’s smug grin only widened.

“Absolutely not,” Haru stated, not even turning to look at Makoto.

“Aw, why not? It’s the opposite of what happens in _The Little Mermaid._ She _wants_ to turn into a mermaid and live in the ocean forever. That sounds right up your alley to me.”

Haru spun around and proclaimed, “She is the spawn of a water-hating she-demon. I will have no part of it.”

“Wha-“

“No. None. Don’t even mention that name in this house.”

Makoto snickered, more than a little pleased with himself. He’d never met someone who felt so passionately about _The Little Mermaid_ and he’d be very surprised if he ever did.

Haru turned back to ponder his selection of DVDs. Makoto was watching him, and realized he was openly staring. There was nobody around though, and he was still pleased with himself so he let himself admire the slope of Haru’s shoulders, the pleasant way his hair fell on his neck, the little peek at his lower back given to Makoto by Haru’s crouched position, making his shirt raise above his belt. Makoto’s chest tightened slightly, so he ceased his gazing.

“Don’t you have Netflix? Why don’t we find something on there?” Makoto questioned as Haru stood up, considering a DVD in his hand.

“If we do that then you’re just going to choose something else to watch. Something not scary.” He walked to the DVD player.

“What?” Makoto chuckled. That had indeed been his plan.

Makoto finally decided to resign to his fate. Haru started the DVD then plopped back on the couch.

“Oh, popcorn. I’ll go make some,” Haru said.

As he left the room, he turned the lights off, leaving Makoto alone in a dark room with a scary movie. Makoto squeaked and found a pillow, squeezing like his life depended on it. It was just the previews, but he was already jumpy and scared.

Haru came back, happily munching on the popcorn and sat down right next to Makoto. The movie completely terrified Makoto—he jumped, he screamed, he squealed—and by the end of it he was shamelessly clutching onto Haru, the empty popcorn bowl safely discarded on the floor. At one point he thought Haru was asleep. His terror level at an all-time high, he not so gently woke Haru up. Through the flashing of the horror on screen, Makoto saw him smirking, and Makoto cursed him for pretending to fall asleep and making him panic even more than he already was.

The movie ended. Haru stretched and yawned. “Ahhhhhah! I’m exhausted. Well, you can sleep on the couch or roll your sleeping bag out in here. I’ll be in my bedroom.”

“I swear to all that is good and holy, Haru if you leave me alone I’m going to vomit all my internal organs up all over the place.”

Makoto was still clutching to Haru. He might have noticed Haru attempting to stifle another laugh had he not been so terrified. They got up, and Makoto closely fallowed Haru to his room. Haru had grabbed Makoto’s bag and gave it to him so he could change into his pj’s. Since Makoto refused to be alone, they changed quickly in Haru’s room before jumping into bed.

Haru didn’t say anything about them being practically full grown men sleeping together in the same bed, didn’t make a little quip about it. And for that Makoto was grateful. As Makoto lay safely pressed between Haru and the wall, his thoughts slowly drifted from horrible monsters in the night to his now-normal nighttime dwellings. Haru had drifted asleep a while ago, his breathing steady. Makoto turned on his side and looked at him. They were facing each other and Makoto couldn’t help but smile. Yes, this is what he’d been wanting.

Makoto wanted to reach out and brush aside some hair that’d fallen in Haru’s face. His stomach knotted. He was so close. Haru was right there. If Makoto angled himself properly he could even feel Haru’s breaths land on his chest, an arm, his face. Well, Haru was asleep. Surely it wouldn’t hurt just this once? He shakily raised a hand towards Haru’s face. Slowly, oh so slowly, reaching out to touch that ocean-depths hair.  

Haru took a sharp intake of breath. Makoto jerked his hand back, his heart beating out of his chest as his eyes flew wide. Haru shifted slightly, but he wasn’t awake. He was still asleep. Makoto’s hand cautiously began its journey to Haru again. His fingers hesitantly brushed Haru’s hair. A warm tingle spread across his finder and then his hand; butterflies exploded in his stomach. Makoto smiled, his eyes staring lovingly at Haru as he moved aside his soft hair from his serene, sleeping face.

Sadness suddenly sprung up and weighed down Makoto’s face. He gently pulled away his hand, letting it hover for a moment above Haru. Then he retracted it completely to lay in front of him. He had to stop. He couldn’t do this because he and Haru weren’t a couple. They weren’t a couple and were likely to remain that way. As long as Makoto had any doubt that Haru did not have the same feelings Makoto had, then he would leave things as they were. He wasn’t going to risk ruining their relationship because he had a silly crush. It hurt to decide that, especially since that night had only shown Makoto that he adored practically every little thing Haru did, everything about him.

Makoto frowned down at the sheets, a hand clamping some of the material into a fist. The night had been wonderful. Makoto never worried about Rin. He never imagined what it’d be like to live life without Haru. It had just been him and Haru, and it had been wonderful. Tears stung in his eyes and he bit his quivering lip. He chastised himself. How could he be crying? But looking at the sleeping Haru next to him, he couldn’t help but be taken over by bittersweet feelings.

Makoto needed a way to end this crush—he could no longer say infatuation, as any thought he had of passing these feelings off as simply an infatuation were soundly disproved by that evening. He began brainstorming ideas of how to get his feelings under control and to return things back to normal.

Makoto could kidnap Rin and take him back to Australia, where he would release him into the wild. Then there would be no one threatening to take Haru away and Makoto wouldn't feel super possessive anymore, ending these awful romantic feelings. Yeah, yeah that could wor—no. He couldn’t do that. Probably wasn’t entirely legal.

He would find some other perfectly attractive person and go out on a date with them. Nagisa or Gou would probably be able to easily set him up with someone. He would go out on a date with someone who also thought he was attractive, thus be able to satisfy his romantic needs and being able to forget about Haru as someone to hold and kiss and cuddle with in bed. Ugh, no. That wasn’t a good option either. Just the thought of holding someone else’s hand or kissing someone else was painful.

Or, or, he could just sit around and feel sorry for himself, listening to sad music and watching movies like _Moulin Rouge_ until this storm of affection passed. He gazed at sleeping Haru. Yup, it looks like that was going to be his best option.

Makoto flipped over so he was facing the wall, trying not to think about how Haru was right next to him. Finally, he started to drift off, comforted by Haru’s soft breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be up probably tomorrow since I actually wrote that one before this one egh. So I just need to go back and edit some stuff.
> 
> Also, I would appreciate any feedback at all. Any feedback. I don't even know if people are reading this far into it, so just saying 'hi, I'm reading' would give me a huge burst of motivation (and happiness) :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More childhood stuff and Makoto continues to be a sappy nerd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you understand what kind of research I've done for this fic. Do you. I rigorously studied the Japanese school year, name honorifics, I had to look up the average night temperatures in Japan for the month of August, and for the last chapter I had to search what food dishes go with mackerel. what
> 
> Anyways, I really appreciate those of you who commented on the last chapter! I've been singing happy songs all day. I hope I continue to deliver :)

“Man, it’s really pouring out,” twelve-year-old Makoto marveled, looking out a window in his living room. “Wha-what are you doing, Haru-chan?”

Haru was putting his jacket on, then he started walking towards the front door.

“I’m going out in the rain.”

“What?!” Makoto said, incredulous.

Haru didn’t wait for a response, but left Makoto staring in wide-eyed shock as he walked out into the downpour.

Makoto scrambled after him, quickly putting his own jacket and shoes on and rushing out the door. He found Haru standing out a few yards away from the house, his face upturned to the sky, and his hands held out, palms up. Makoto felt a wave of what could only be described as adoration wash over him as he looked at Haru standing there, seemingly content as the rain ran through his inky hair, over his face, and pooling in his palms. Makoto wanted to take a picture of him, to capture the way he looked in that moment forever. He stared for a few moments more, entranced, before walking out and standing next to him.

He looked at Haru, who peeked at Makoto as the splashing of water announced his approach. The blue in Haru’s eyes was even more vibrant than it usually was, and had a certain glisten that made them seem as though they were living pools of water, awoken by the water falling down around them.

Makoto smiled his signature smile at Haru, then looked up at the sky as Haru was doing, squinting as water fell onto his face. Haru smirked at Makoto and took in and let out a deep breath.

“Do you usually stand out in the rain like this?” Makoto asked, smiling.

“No, but every now and then. I love it when it rains.”

“But if it’s raining, then you can’t go swimming.”

Haru didn’t say anything for a moment, and Makoto didn’t know if it was because he was contemplating what he’d said or if he just had chosen not to respond and instead take in the rain.

Haru slowly opened his eyes. “Who ever said that?”

He let his arms rest by his side, and then he started walking, out of Makoto’s yard, and then down the steps.

“Haru, you can’t be serious,” Makoto snickered, his mouth hanging slightly open. He looked towards where he only hoped Haru wasn’t walking—to the ocean, the waves choppy and the surface disturbed by the falling rain.

Haru made no move to stop though and just splished down the steps. Makoto followed urgently after him, shoving his hands into his pockets. They walked down the steps, their steps wet, occasionally splashing in puddles and spraying drops of water onto their pants which were steadily becoming soaked.

Makoto looked down at his feet, thinking how wet his socks were getting. His gaze shifted over to Haru’s shoes, then up his leg, his thigh, noting how pleasantly the material of his pants were clinging to him. He looked up further, up over Haru’s stomach and to where his jacket was unzipped a couple inches, allowing Makoto to see his light blue shirt which was soaked through. Makoto’s heart started beating faster, each pulse now noticeable, and he swallowed as though something were stuck in his throat. He found himself wishing Haru’s jacket was unzipped more, to see more of that wet t-shirt stuck to Haru’s body.

Makoto’s jerked his eyes forward, and he sucked in a breath.

Haru shook his hair, causing droplets to fly onto Makoto.

“Hey!” Makoto laughed.

He leaned his head towards Haru and shook his hair, returning the favor and spraying water on Haru.

They reached the bottom of the steps, continuing on the path they usually took to school and which took them right by the beach.

Makoto looked out at the waves that they were walking closer to, and a small shiver ran through him. He almost asked if they could turn back, maybe go somewhere else to stand in the rain, but when he looked at Haru and saw the look on his face as he stared intently at the water, he decided to bury his uneasiness.

Haru stepped off the sidewalk and cut his way through the underbrush to get to the beach. Makoto followed after him. They walked on the sand—grating under their shoes and not sifting around like the dry, loose sand it usually was when they went to the beach. Haru stopped a few yards away from the shoreline and stared out at the waves, Makoto next to him, his hands still in his pockets.

Makoto had never gone down to the beach while it was raining. It was almost surreal. The sky gray, the ocean rippling and dancing from the falling raindrops disturbing its surface and joining the turmoil of the waves crashing on the shore. The world was quiet around them, but Makoto felt far from lonely. Haru was next to him, and Makoto was glad that Haru had brought him down there.

Haru didn’t have to say anything for Makoto to understand how mesmerized and in awe Haru was. Other people may have gone on a poetic tangent, trying to define the rain and water, but whatever romantic thoughts Haru had about such things he kept to himself. Makoto suspected Haru didn’t try to describe and define water anyways; he simply accepted it and loved it for what it was.

Makoto heard Haru take in a deep, calm breath, causing Makoto to look at him. A small, content smile rested on his lips, and Makoto found himself wanting to get closer to those lips. His heart began pounding again, that warm wave of adoration washing over him.

Makoto didn’t know exactly what to do with himself. He’d never felt like this before. He knew people wanted to kiss each other—that people felt romantically towards each other—but Makoto had never had those thoughts for anyone.

Looking at Haru, standing on the beach as rain cascaded around him, Makoto undeniably experienced those feelings. He looked down at Haru’s hand, exposed and out of his pocket, beads of water snaking down his fingers. Makoto carefully pulled his hand out its pocket. His heart started pounding harder and faster, and his breath was on the verge of ragged. He inched his hand over, closer to Haru’s. The back of his hand brushed Haru’s, but he didn’t grab it. It stayed there, Makoto’s skin touching Haru’s.

Makoto looked back out at the waves and smiled and for the first time he knew what it meant to feel truly happy.

 

\---

 

“Wow, Haruka-senpai!” Gou praised. “Your times have really improved! That was another personal best!”

Makoto stood next to Gou, watching Nagisa, Rei, and Haru swim and recording their times, though Makoto’s attention tended to be drawn to Haru. Makoto smiled at Haru as Haru took in deep breaths, recovering from his vigorous swim, his chest gently heaving as the sun glinted on the water running down Haru’s shoulders, over his arms and abdomen, and dripping down his face from his hair.

Ever since their sleepover, Makoto had been catching himself staring at Haru almost constantly, and more often than not it was because he was admiring the fine definition of his muscles, the way they cut through the water, his dark hair made darker as it lay wet and plastered to his face, the calm expression he wore which complimented his face so well.

“Looks like the training camp from hell really paid off,” Gou remarked.

Haru peeked up at Makoto, and Makoto felt his breath catch. Makoto had never felt flustered from a look before in his entire life, much less from his best friend—albeit his very attractive friend. Makoto felt his face begin to blush a burning crimson, though luckily before Haru could see it Nagisa popped up next to Haru, capturing Haru’s attention.

“What about me?” Nagisa questioned, asking about his time.

Makoto looked at the clipboard and stopwatch in Gou’s hand, feeling his blush subside as he observed Nagisa’s work. The blushing was a new addition to his list of problems, added during their first swim practice after Makoto had spent the night at Haru’s. It seemed his plan of quelling his crush was not going so well. Really, it was completely failing since things were only getting worse.

“You need to work a little harder, Nagisa-kun,” Gou stated.

Nagisa’s face fell into a childish pout, but Makoto attempted to comfort him, saying, “Still, we’ve all come a long way in such a short time.”

Makoto gave a close-eyed smile, and when he opened his eyes again, he saw Haru subtly smirking at him. Makoto laughed an airy laugh, and made his way over to help Haru out of the pool. Makoto leaned over and held his hand out. He smiled at Haru. Haru raised his gaze up from the pool wall in front of him to Makoto’s face, then reached out and grabbed Makoto’s hand. Makoto pulled him out and shamelessly watched Haru’s muscles as they flexed and dripped with water, but shamefully looked away as soon as Haru was completely out of the pool.

Putting a hand on his hip, Makoto mentally told himself once again how pathetic he was before complimenting Haru.

“It really is amazing how much you’ve improved after just one weekend of training. You look even better in the water, as if that was possible.”

Makoto’s eyes widened as he realized his somewhat poor choice of words. He laughed airily again, smiling as Haru slightly raised an eyebrow at him before walking past him and over to grab a water bottle. Makoto watched him walk away and slumped his shoulders. Though before he could even stop himself he was thinking how simply perfect Haru’s ass looked in his jammer.

“Ooh!” a voice surprisingly close to Makoto’s ear tittered.

“Ah!” Makoto exclaimed jumping back from the Nagisa who was on his tiptoes, smirking devilishly up at him.

“What’s going on with you and Haru-chan?” Nagisa cooed.

“Wha-what?”

Nagisa began rocking on his feet, still displaying that disturbingly knowledgeable grin.

“I said, what’s going on with you and Haru-chan?”

Makoto’s face once again burst into flames.

“N-nothing!” Makoto said, nervously laughing it off. “Er, or rather nothing new or out of the ordinary. What do you mean, exactly?”

“Oh, Mako-chan,” Nagisa shook his head at the ground, his hands clasped behind his back. “Clearly something’s going on. Otherwise your face wouldn’t be so red right now.”

Nagisa pointed and grinned at him. Makoto slapped a hand to his cheek, feeling the undeniable heat radiate off of them.

“I don’t know wh—“ Makoto began.

Nagisa interrupted, “Ever since we got back from that trip, the two of you have been absolutely—“

“Nagisa!” Rei called from the pool. “Let’s have a quick race before practice is over!”

“Okay, Rei-chan!” Nagisa called to Rei, but when he turned back to finish what he was saying to Makoto, Makoto was already walking briskly away.

Makoto’s face was still burning from embarrassment. He had figured Nagisa would confront him about Haru sometime, seeing as how Nagisa had caught on to Makoto’s ogling over a week ago. He doubted that was the last he would hear from Nagisa, and he only dreaded the next time Nagisa would choose to pop up unexpectedly next to him.

Makoto saw Haru walking towards the locker rooms, and he went to catch up with him.

“What are you doing, Haru-chan? There’s still fifteen minutes of practice left.”

Haru didn’t look at him as he said, “I’m going to try to meet Rin.”

Makoto’s muscles tensed.

“What? But I thought you said you two weren’t going to meet until prefecturals?”

Makoto felt his heart sink. He was hoping he and Haru could hang out, work on homework, do something, that night.

“Well we didn’t technically promise each other that. And I decided I really need to talk to him about something…”

A small blurb of anger began to rise within Makoto. Talk about what? What could be so urgent or important that Haru had to go and find Rin right now? Why couldn’t Haru just wait until he saw Rin at the tournament? Or even text him or _something._

“Oh,” Makoto said. “That’s fine. I have a date anyways.”

Haru stopped. He turned to look at Makoto, who tried avoiding looking at Haru.

“What?”

“I have a date.”

Makoto did not have a date. And he did not intend to be going on a date unless it was with Haru. A sudden surge of jealousy had just made him say that. Why should Rin get to go on a date with Haru and not Makoto? Maybe this was the time, though. Maybe Makoto should just come out and say it and say that his date was with Haru. Then Rin couldn’t go out on a date with Haru because Makoto would be the one taking Haru out. It was perfect.

“You…you do?”

“Yup,” Makoto nodded, biting his lip and finding a particular brick that was not Haru to be fascinating. “I sure do.”

Haru didn’t say anything and he looked down at the concrete. After a few moments he looked back up at Makoto.

“With who?” he asked.

This was it. This was Makoto’s chance.

“With who? Um…” Makoto’s heart pounded viciously against his chest, and then he saw the crumbling sandcastle flash before his vision. Then he realized that it would be incredibly stupid to say _‘Why, with you, Haru!_ ’. So instead he tried frantically to think of someone he could go out on a date with. “Um, it’s…it’s Haruhi.”

Makoto looked at Haru and forced a small smile. Haru looked back at the ground and slightly furrowed his brows.

“Haruhi, huh?”

“Mhm,” Makoto agreed, nodding.

“Oh. I didn’t…I didn’t know you two had a thing going on.”

“Well, we might not. It’s just a first date. Who says it’s going to turn into anything?”

“Yeah…” Haru turned back and continue walking to the locker room.

Makoto wanted to call out to him and say there was nothing going on because at the moment he was completely obsessed with Haru. He was one-hundred percent smitten, and that’s why he couldn’t go see Rin, because Makoto was afraid the more time Haru spent with Rin then he’d realize that he’d always loved Rin more than Makoto, and Makoto would not be able to cope with that. Of course though, he didn’t call out. He couldn’t call out because doing so would likely ruin their relationship which he had so treasured all these years.

Instead, Makoto sighed and slumped his shoulders. He turned around to return to the pool. Nagisa was by the edge and turned to Makoto. He bounded over.

“What’s wrong Mako-chan? Did Haru-chan turn you down for a date?”

Makoto scowled. “No. No, Haru just has somewhere to be.”

“And is that somewhere a date with you?” Nagisa grinned.

“No! No—but...I have a date to get to, actually.”

“Whaaat?!” Nagisa exclaimed. “You have a date, Mako-chan?!”

Gou and Rei focused their attention on Makoto at Nagisa’s exclamation.

Gou excitedly asked, “Who is it with?”

“Haruhi,” Makoto answered simply.

Makoto noticed Gou’s and Nagisa’s faces fall from their gaping interest.

“Haru…hi?” Gou reiterated.

Makoto nodded and Nagisa began shaking his head.

“Oh, Mako-chan…”

“What?” Makoto implored. “You know what, never mind. I don’t care. Because I have a date to get to. Good-bye everyone.”

“Bye, Mako-chan! Have fun on your date with Haru-chan, I mean, Haruhi-kun!”

Makoto cursed them under his breath as he quickly walked to the locker rooms. Haru was still showering, and Makoto stopped abruptly when he saw him. He watched as the water cascaded down him, then Makoto shook his head and cursed himself. He ripped his phone out of his pants and dug through his contacts and found Haruhi.

Haruhi and Makoto had always been friendly. He might even say they were friends, though they never did anything or talked outside of school. They used to talk more in class, but after Haruhi had proclaimed her affections for Makoto—which he politely declined—they stopped talking as much. Haruhi was pretty, though Makoto had never felt attracted to her. But who knows, maybe a date with a nice, pretty, and funny girl was what Makoto needed to get his romantic obsession with Haru under control. Yes, this was exactly what he needed. He would go on this date with Haruhi and he would suddenly realize just how beautiful she was. Then they’d fall in love and she’d come to his swim meets and they’d get married and Haru would be his best man—whoa okay. He was getting a bit out of control. Maybe first he should actually ask Haruhi out on a date.

**_To: Haruhi_ **

**_Hey are you doing anything tonight?_ **

His heart practically leaped out of this throat as he sent the message. Maybe it was a good thing Makoto hadn't been asking people out on dates. It was nerve wracking.

**_From: Haruhi_ **

**_Wow this is out of the blue. Um no why?_ **

****

**_To: Haruhi_ **

**_I was just wondering if you wanted to go out._ **

****

**_From: Haruhi_ **

**_Like on a date?_ **

Makoto took a deep breath before typing out his next response. It kind of hurt, which he would never admit, but it needed to be done. Because…because...it just needed to be.

**_To: Haruhi_ **

**_Yeah like on a date_ **

What if she said no? What was he going to do then? Was he just going to lie to everybody about his date? But what if they found out they didn’t go out? He really should have thought this through more. He didn’t even have to say anything when Haru told him he was going to see Rin. He could’ve just said _‘Oh, that’s nice’_ but no, instead he had to tell Haru he had a date. And for what? Because he was jealous and wanted Haru to be jealous too? Makoto needed psychiatric help.

**_From: Haruhi_ **

**_Oh well okay! Wow, I’m going on a date with Makoto Tachibana. Amazing_ **

And thus began commencement of Plan B from his list of options of how to end his crush on Haru. Makoto didn’t feel particularly happy when he saw she said yes. He felt kind of guilty. Which was ridiculous because he had nothing to feel guilty about. He wasn’t betraying anyone. Haru didn’t want to go out on dates with Makoto, but Haruhi did so he had nothing to feel bad about. Nothing at all.

**_To: Haruhi_ **

**_Great! I can pick you up in about an hour. Sorry this is such short notice_ **

****

**_From: Haruhi_ **

**_Sounds good. It’s not a problem at all. I was just doing some studying and I’m always looking for an excuse to avoid doing that._ **

Makoto finished figuring out the details with Haruhi about their date. He didn’t notice the shower being turned off. Haru walked in, drying his hair with a towel. He stared at Makoto, and Makoto looked up when he heard Haru’s feet on the tile. He felt a pang of guilt, like Haru caught him doing something he shouldn’t be. But neither of them said anything, and Haru just looked away, walking over to his cubby and shoving his arms and legs into his clothes.

Makoto frowned at the phone in his hands and put it back. He had a nagging feeling that Plan B of Operation: Stop Crushing on Haru was going to be a complete and total failure. He started towards the showers, but paused and looked at Haru. Haru was still facing away from him, putting his clothes on. Makoto pursed his lips and continued towards the showers to rinse the chlorine off of him before heading home, where he would change for his date.

While rinsing off, Makoto of course thought about Haru and also Rin. Makoto thought about what it was like before Rin came back. He thought about how much simpler everything was. Well, when he said everything he meant his feelings for Haru. It was all because of Rin’s return and making him extremely jealous that Makoto even felt this way for Haru at all. Now Makoto had this awful internal struggle—an ugly blob of paranoia, jealousy, and romantic feelings. Of course, it wasn’t like everything now was awful. They had a swim club, and he was once again able to swim with his friends. Haru no longer had to be restricted to swimming in the ocean, where Makoto would sit on the beach and watch him for hours. And it was because of the swim club that Makoto discovered he could swim in the ocean again. So there was that.

Makoto put his hands over his face. If only he hadn’t developed such an infatuation with Haru. Then all these messed up and twisted feelings wouldn’t even be there, and he’d be able to just sleep at night without dwelling on the subject, or spend time with Haru without feeling guilty for staring too long when he wasn’t looking. Though, it’d also be a lot simpler if Haru simply loved Makoto back. Yes, then everything would be perfectly perfect.

He turned off the shower and began drying himself off. When he went to put his clothes on, Haru had already gone.

 

 

Haruhi and Makoto were walking down the street. He’d given her his jacket—which, despite Makoto’s protests, his mother had made him wear—when she had shivered. The evening was unusually breezy, and she was only wearing a simple dress. It came above her knees and had little ruffled sleeves that did nothing as far as providing warmth. Her small heels clicked as they walked, and Makoto looked down at the ground in front of him. She would gently brush up against him every now and then, probably wanting him to hold her hand or perhaps even wrap his arm around her, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to do it.

The plan Makoto had developed to fall in love with Haruhi wasn’t going so well. As he had feared, he wasn’t just in desperate need of romantic attention. Even nice, fun people with names that sounded suspiciously like Haru wouldn’t do to quell his growing romantic frustrations. Haruhi had been perfectly charming the whole night, but Makoto had never had the urge to touch her or hold her hand, let alone kiss her.

“Ah,” Haruhi sighed with a smile, her short hair bouncing, “where to now, Makoto? The beach? I’ve always thought the beach was incredibly romantic.”

Makoto jerked his head up. Yes, the beach was incredibly romantic, however he had no plans of visiting it any time soon—especially if Haru wasn’t going to be there.

“No, no,” Makoto laughed, nervously, “let’s…let’s walk down to this little ice cream place. I take my brother and sister there whenever we go out. It’s great. They have some odd flavors though, like Haru always gets…”

Makoto trailed off.

“Is everything all right?” Haruhi asked, concerned, looking up at Makoto.

Makoto nodded.

“Yeah…well—yeah.”

He’d tried to be as cheery as he usually was on his date. He thought he’d done a good job in the restaurant—he made polite conversation, told interesting stories, laughed when Haruhi made a joke. It was great spending time with Haruhi, and Makoto wondered why they’d never hung out more. Though when he remembered this was supposed to be a date, then he’d feel his smile fall a bit and wish it was Haru across from him. ~~  
~~

“Oh, I think there’s something amiss here,” cooed Haruhi, grabbing onto Makoto’s arm.

Makoto brushed it off. “It’s nothing, really.”

“Hmm…” Haruhi pursed her lips, clearly not convinced. “Did you and Haruka-kun get in a fight?”

“What? No, no we didn’t.” Makoto shook his head. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, you trailed off when you mentioned him, and I know how close you guys are so…Plus that may explain why you suddenly asked me out on a date out of nowhere. And on a Wednesday, at that.”

She was smiling as they walked, looking ahead and almost skipping.

Her expression suddenly changed. Her eyes narrowed and a smirk crept on her face.

Haruhi looked back at Makoto and inquired, “Ah, I know. You’re trying to make him jealous, aren’t you?”

Makoto almost ripped his arm free of Haruhi’s hold, his head jerking up.

“Wha-?! No, no! No.”

“Makoto, you’ve always been awful at lying. It’s fine. In fact, I think it’s cute. I will admit, I wish that it was me you were trying to make jealous by taking out a truly delightful girl, but you and Haruka-kun really are perfect together.”

She let go of his arm, sticking her hands in the pockets of Makoto’s jacket, bumping up against him with a smile.

“And if you ever need to take me out on more dates to make him jealous, I won’t protest, yeah?”

She kept grinning up at him, and Makoto couldn’t help but smile. He sighed, closing his eyes, feeling a sort of relief wash over him.

“Thanks, Haruhi. You really are great. We should do this more.”

“Absolutely! I had a great time! Well, you don’t have to take me to that ice cream place. I’ll just head back home, now.”

“Now wait,” Makoto protested, “I said I was going to get you ice cream so ice cream I will get you. You deserve it anyways.”

Makoto tilted his head and smiled at her while closing his eyes. Haruhi sighed, grinning and shaking her head.

“There you go with that perfect smile and flawless gentlemanly manner again. Tachibana, you better watch yourself before you completely steal away my heart.”

Makoto snickered, and this time he bumped up against her. Then he held his arm out for her to grab it, which she graciously did. Makoto felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, allowing him to fully enjoy ice cream with Haruhi. He did feel a little regret though, a little regret that he had to be so fixated on Haru and not able to feel the same way about Haruhi, to return her feelings and be able to make her happy. But they were friends, and that was better than nothing. ~~  
~~

When he returned home and fell into bed, Makoto replayed the night in his head, replacing Haruhi with Haru. For once he was able to ignore the sad reality that his life was not what he was making it to be in his head, and he was able to fall asleep with a smile on his face for the first time in weeks.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams can be a wonderful thing, but dealing with them afterwards may not be...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I'd like to apologize to God. I am so sorry. Secondly, I'd like to apologize to my mother. This is not what you wanted for me, and for that I am sorry. 
> 
> Aaaaand an explicit rating we have earned. I am so embarrassed. I've never written porn before and I feel dirty and ashamed. (but aside from that I hope it's decent)
> 
> Keep in mind that in dream worlds, sometimes some things aren't necessary for...doing...certain things..... ......

Haru and Makoto walked through the door of Haru’s house, Makoto scowling. When they were about halfway down the hallway, Makoto turned and aggressively pinned Haru up against the wall. Haru slammed up against it, his arms pressed against the wall while Makoto’s were braced on either side of Haru’s head.

“Where did he touch you?” he growled.

Makoto wasn’t looking at Haru, and Haru wasn’t looking at Makoto. Their hair shaded both of their eyes and they, especially the latter, avoided the other’s gaze.

“I said,” Makoto snarled, lifting his head up, “where did he touch you?”

Haru remained silent.

“Fine.” Makoto leaned next to Haru’s ear and whispered, “I guess I’ll just have to touch every inch of you, until I know for sure there’s not a trace of his vile presence, just me. I’m going to fuck you until you won’t even remember who he is. There’ll only be me; there’ll only ever be me.”

Makoto delicately kissed Haru’s ear, and began making his way down his neck, sucking and biting, and then up to find Haru’s mouth. He kissed him, pressing his lower body into Haru’s. Haru’s mouth was clenched, but he faltered when Makoto pressed a knee between his legs, causing him to grunt and allowing Makoto to enter his mouth. Makoto put a hand behind Haru’s head, entangling it in his hair, and pulling him even further into his mouth. The other hand had drifted down, and ran possessively down Haru’s stomach, drifting back up to unbutton buttons, then went under his shirt where it traced Haru’s muscles. Haru began kissing back, though still tense, and Makoto rewarded him by tracing over a nipple, causing Haru’s body to jerk up into Makoto’s. Makoto grinned against Haru’s mouth, and released his hold on Haru’s dark hair. He shoved that hand up Haru’s shirt, and drug both hands up his abdomen, the heel of his palm starting teasingly at the waist of Haru’s pants and ending by grinding over his nipples.

Haru gasped and wrapped his arms around Makoto, still kissing him, and Makoto took advantage of the sign of Haru’s relaxation and started to slide Haru’s blazer off. Haru unhooked his arms from around Makoto’s neck and allowed the removal of his blazer, parting with Makoto’s lips for a split second before desperately connecting with them again. Haru clamped his hands behind Makoto’s head, entwining his fingers in his hair, while Makoto placed his hands on the small of Haru’s back, pressing their lower halves together. Makoto gasped and Haru moaned as their growing erections made contact through the growing-to-be-too-numerous layers of clothing. Makoto began grinding his hips into Haru’s, causing more gasps from Haru. Makoto slid a hand down under Haru’s pants, grabbing a hold of his ass, pulling him in closer.

Haru’s kisses had become sloppier and more desperate, his hands clutching to Makoto’s shirt. Haru clumsily grasped for Makoto’s shirt, undoing its buttons. While they pulled away for breath, Makoto took his other hand and covered the fingers in saliva before thrusting them under Haru’s pants and the band of his underwear. He pressed a finger into Haru’s entrance right as Haru hastily undid Makoto's belt and unbuttoned his pants. Haru tensed and gasped, arching forward as Makoto’s finger entered his ass. Makoto braced his other arm on the wall, keeping Haru pressed against it, and began kissing Haru’s neck. Haru dug his nails into Makoto’s shoulders, huffing and gasping as Makoto inserted another finger.

Hearing Haru’s moans made Makoto’s dick hard, and he eagerly finished prepping Haru. Makoto kissed Haru deeply, relaxing Haru a bit, while he removed his fingers. He roughly undid Haru’s belt and unbuttoned his pants. Then he grabbed ahold of Haru’s shoulders and spun him around, keeping him pressed up against the wall. Haru braced himself on the wall. Makoto slid Haru’s pants and underwear down far enough so he could get to him, then slid his own down. Makoto teasingly pressed his cock to Haru, making Haru stick his ass out needily to Makoto.

Makoto leaned over Haru’s shoulder and whispered into his ear, “Oh, do you want me to fuck you? Do you really, really want me to fuck you?”

Haru gulped and nodded.

“Uh-huh. Please, Makoto…”

Makoto smirked.

“Look how desperate you are…”

He held onto Haru’s hips and pressed into Haru, shuddering as he did so.

“H-Haru…”

Haru had stiffened, and Makoto braced his arms on the wall, Haru in between them. He experimentally moved his hips, and then thrust. Haru gasped, and Makoto thrust again. He steadily began thrusting into Haru, finding a rhythm. Haru relaxed underneath him.

“Ngh, hnn,” Haru moaned. "Ah!"

Makoto began pounding into Haru, harder and faster, shoving Haru against the wall. Haru’s hands slid, and his forearms lay pressed against the wall.

“Hah-ah!” Haru gasped. His face was turned slightly to the side, and Makoto drank in the sight of his reddened face and his eyes squinted in pleasure as they searched for Makoto.

“Ah, Mako-Makoto…!” Haru’s gasps and moans filled the hallway.

“Haru, Haru!” Makoto cried, grunting.

Haru’s back arched as gratification overcame him. Makoto planted a sloppy kiss on Haru’s mouth as he felt himself coming closer to orgasm.

“Ahh! Makoto! I-I…I’m going to—"

Makoto let go of the wall, and, grasping Haru’s hips and straightening up, he slammed into Haru, Makoto crying out his name.

Haru stiffened. “Ngh…Makoto! Makoto, ah—ha—!”

He came, and Makoto continued to pound into him.

“Hu-Haru!” Makoto called, coming, euphoria exploding in him. “Haru…”

\---

Makoto’s eyes flew open. Well. That was new.

His face was a burning bonfire, and he didn’t even want to think what was going on…down below.

This, this was not going to be good. He thought of meeting Haru and—Makoto rolled over and clamped a hand to his mouth. He was pretty sure he was going to be sick. Images from his dream flashed before him, and he felt his face burn even redder, changing from a bonfire to a star gone supernova.  

Makoto just lay there, his eyes wide and his stomach a gross pit of twisting and churning.

“Makoto!” his mother called, knocking on his door. “Are you up?”

Makoto just groaned. “Ehhhh…”

“Makoto?” she worried, opening the door.

“I don’t think I can go to school today. I feel sick.”

His mom felt his forehead.

“You don’t have a fever, though your face is very red. But other than that, you seem fine. You should stop sleeping with so many blankets. It’s summer after all. Oh, how was your date last night?”

Makoto scowled.

“Mooomm,” he pleaded, “can’t I just stay ho—“

“Oh no, was your date that bad?” She gathered up his uniform and threw it on him, smiling cheerily.

Makoto sighed and rolled out of bed, though keeping a blanket wrapped around him.

“No, it was fine. Though we probably won’t be going out again,” he mumbled.

“Oh, that’s too bad,” his mother sympathized before leaving the room.

Makoto groaned again and fell face first onto his bed. He eventually made himself put his school uniform on, nibble on a piece of toast, and leave the house.

Haru was walking down the steps right as Makoto went outside, and his stomach somersaulted.

“Good morning, Haru-chan,” Makoto greeted, forcing his usual smile. He tried to make himself look at Haru, but he could barely maintain it for more than a couple seconds before looking away, embarrassed and ashamed.

“Drop the –chan,” Haru said. Then, looking at Makoto and raising an eyebrow, he added, “Jeez, you look terrible. Are you sure you don’t want to stay home today?”

Makoto sighed. “Oh believe me I do, but my parents believe otherwise.”

“So,” Haru said as they descended the steps. “How did your date go?”

Makoto would’ve been more surprised at Haru starting their morning conversation, but his thoughts were plagued with other emotions as he stared dead ahead.

“Oh, it was fine, I guess. We won’t be going out again though.”

“Oh…that’s…too bad,” Haru responded, though he didn’t really sound too sorry.

“Nah, she’s just not for me, really.”

Haru didn’t say anything for a moment, but then he asked, “So why’d you go out with her then?”

Makoto peeked over at Haru, but doing so made his heart leap into his throat. He jolted, looking back to the world in front of him.

“I…because…”

As he was desperately trying to think of a response, Haru brushed up against him. Makoto’s insides dropped and then proceeded to implode, and Makoto jumped away before he could stop himself. Then he threw up into a bush.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to take a journey in the mind of Haru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, sorry it's been almost two weeks since I updated this. I had to do things with people, and then I had to go back to school. Plus, I ended up rewriting this chapter a couple of different times, but I think I finally got it to how I want it egh. 
> 
> Anyways, as always I hope you enjoy :)

Makoto had been acting strange.

Granted, Haru hadn’t been his normal, upbeat self either, but that still didn’t excuse Makoto’s behavior.

The week after their beach camping adventure, Haru began paying more attention to Makoto. Haru had been shaken up. He had been forced to imagine life without Makoto, and now that Makoto was safe and alive, Haru was more acutely aware of the fact. He realized how truly important Makoto was to him, and he had a growing need to be next to him. Haru found that all the little things Makoto did, Haru couldn’t help but love. Makoto was always there, and that’s how Haru needed it.

Since Makoto was finding himself in Haru’s thoughts more often than usual, Haru noticed something was up with Makoto. Sure, he was smiling, he was laughing, being his friendly self. But something was off. His smile wasn’t as frequent, his laughter was sometimes forced, and his friendliness was becoming replaced by nervous expressions and abrupt glances at nothing off to the side.

Initially, Haru had accredited Makoto’s behavior to his near death experience. Haru never confronted him about it or mentioned it until they were walking to his house on Friday for their sleepover, where Makoto assured him that he wasn’t terrified of the ocean. He admitted he was still a little afraid of it, but as long as Haru was there he wasn’t scared at all. Haru had seldom felt so special before, and he then promised to himself then to always keep Makoto safe. So since Makoto hadn’t reverted back to that young boy who could hardly stand to hear mention of the ocean, Haru tried to figure out what was bothering Makoto. On that walk from school, he felt a little lost as to what might be bothering him, and then he felt more than a little guilty. What if Makoto had been struggling for something for weeks now? Haru had been so preoccupied with Rin lately that he hadn’t even noticed that something may have been plaguing Makoto’s thoughts.

Haru thought of and then promptly dismissed the idea that perhaps Makoto had developed romantic feelings for him. While that may explain a couple instances where Makoto had said something somewhat suggestive and then nervously laughed about it or where Haru had seen Makoto watching him, Makoto quickly averting his gaze when he saw Haru looking at him, that probably wasn’t it. They’d been best friends for _years_. Why would Makoto’s feelings suddenly change? Though, that night Makoto had done more things to support his theory, which Haru found himself mildly amused by—though he wasn’t entirely sure why. He didn’t think he necessarily wanted Makoto to think of him romantically, but as he thought more about it and as Makoto did things like sit close next to him so that their arms touched while they were playing videogames, he realized that he wouldn’t really mind it if Makoto did think of him that way.

Haru still wasn’t convinced that that was what was wrong with Makoto, however, and he was determined to find out what exactly was bothering him. Late that night that Makoto stayed with him, he found himself presented with a perfect opportunity to get to the bottom of Makoto’s strange behavior. They were sitting on his couch, and Makoto had asked what they should do. Haru, feeling awful clever, suggested they discuss feelings and such. He was hoping Makoto would admit that everything hadn’t been all right with him, and then proceed to tell Haru what exactly was wrong. However, that kitten-snuggling bastard had dodged the question and asked if Haru wanted to play an awful game instead. Haru had honestly thought that Makoto was going to share his woes with him, but no. Though he knew something was up with him, he let it rest since Makoto clearly didn’t want to talk about it.

Then, what had happened the next morning Haru was not soon going to forget.

Haru had found himself needing to be by Makoto after the beach trip. When he was asleep in bed, he surprised himself with thoughts of ‘ _What if Makoto was here?’._ So, purely in the name of research and discovery—and a little to test his theory of Makoto having romantic feelings for him—, Haru had forced Makoto to watch a scary movie so that he’d have to sleep with him. Makoto had barely put up a fight against watching a scary movie, which had pleased Haru. They had gone directly to bed after the movie, and Haru was very satisfied with the results of his bed-sharing-with-Makoto experiment.

When he woke up in the morning, Haru felt Makoto pressed up against his back and his face nuzzling the back of his head. Makoto had an arm slung over Haru, almost hugging him to him. Haru didn’t mind it. If anything, he rather enjoyed it. It was warm and felt safe and smelled like Makoto—which smelled very nice. He had smiled and remained there, waiting until Makoto woke up. Haru knew Makoto had woken up when he heard a sharp intake of breath and felt the stiffening of Makoto’s arm around him. Haru pretended to remain asleep as Makoto carefully retracted himself from Haru and rolled over, away from him. Haru silently pouted, wishing Makoto would’ve just stayed there.

After Makoto had left, Haru took a bath and contemplated things. He was then pretty sure that Makoto had developed a crush on him, and in his contemplation, Haru realized that his affection for Makoto had also grown beyond just wanting to be friends.

 

\---

 

Haru put on his school uniform, ate some breakfast, then grabbed his bag and left for school. Makoto once again hadn’t come to get him, and Haru hoped that he wasn’t going to miss another day of school. He walked down the steps and stopped at Makoto’s house. Right before he could ring the doorbell, the door opened and Makoto was standing there, dressed in his own uniform and ready for school.

“Oh!” Makoto jumped, surprised. “Good morning, Haru.”

“Good morning,” Haru returned.

His eyes drifted down from looking at Makoto’s face to observing the rest of him, then he slowly pulled his gaze back up to look at Makoto’s reddening face.

“You look much better than you did a couple days ago.”

“Oh, um thank you!” Makoto cleared this throat and then said, “Uh, let’s go then.”

Haru suppressed a smirk at Makoto’s blushing. He thought it was cute, and he was more than happy to be back with Makoto again. After Makoto had gotten sick Thursday morning, Haru had to suffer through school all by himself and without knowing the details of Makoto’s date—though at least he knew that Makoto would not be going out with her again, and that it wasn’t the most magical evening of his life, which had done more than please Haru. On top of that, however, Haru was forced to experience swim practice without that majestic whale flopping around in the water. He hadn’t realized it, but he’d grown accustomed to being able to admire Makoto in all his swimming splendor, especially in those few days after their sleepover. Swim practice was definitely lacking a key element—shirtless and shining wet Makoto—and while Haru would never complain about getting time to swim, he certainly enjoyed it less without Makoto there. He wasn’t able to look over and see Makoto smiling at him, wasn’t able to take in Makoto’s impressive body as he leaned over to help Haru out of the pool.

On his way home that night, he had texted Makoto, asking him if he felt better. It’d taken Makoto a long time to respond, which was unlike him, though when he did he reported that he still felt awful. So, Makoto hadn’t gone to school or practice the next day, and when Haru had offered to come over that weekend to bring him some mackerel soup and to watch a movie or just hang out so Makoto would feel better, he’d profusely refused. He hadn’t even laughed at Haru’s mackerel soup offer, and Haru knew something else was up with Makoto.

Haru looked up at Makoto. He seemed normal now, at least. Well, normal as in relation to his recent condition, and he was still a little stiff and jumpy, somewhat like he was the morning he got sick. Haru knew that Makoto had feelings for him, and briefly he had thought that was all that had been making Makoto act odd. However, when Haru would do things like return Makoto’s conversation with a somewhat flirtatious response, Makoto’s eyes would widen and he’d become nervous and uncomfortable. Haru knew Makoto well enough to know that he would never initiate a romantic relationship between them if he had any thoughts of Haru not feeling the same way, but he wouldn’t have expected Makoto to practically reject his advances.

Haru didn’t mind too much though. It was just another thing about Makoto that Haru found himself thinking to be charming—his nervousness and how easily embarrassed he would become.

Makoto’s blush had subsided, and Haru somewhat wished it hadn’t. Makoto had started chatting and inquiring about what he’d missed in class.

“Well, you missed me getting into a heated debate with Nui-kun about why water is more important than clothes, and I told her that if she let the water hear her say that clothes created mankind and not water, then the water spirit was going to come to her house and take her back to the murky depths of the ocean.”

Haru had relayed his tale with a straight face and without looking at Makoto. He saw Makoto raise a hand to his face as he sputtered out a laugh. Haru smiled. It was good to hear Makoto laugh again.

“I’m almost sorry I missed that,” Makoto chuckled.

“Almost? Ouch, Makoto. I would’ve figured you had missed me more than that,” Haru said, teasingly looking up at Makoto out of the corner of his eye.

Makoto closed his eyes and sighed, whispering so Haru wouldn’t have caught what he said if he hadn’t recently been very interested in everything Makoto said, “Oh believe me, I did…”

Haru turned and looked at the ocean which was now on his left, hiding his smile from Makoto.

“Are you nervous about prefecturals coming up this weekend?” Makoto asked, somewhat stiffly.

“No,” Haru answered, looking back from the ocean and peeking at Makoto. “You know I don’t care about that stuff.”

“So you say…” Makoto disagreed through his teeth.

Haru scowled. He had to admit to himself that he did actually care about this upcoming tournament, and Makoto knew. But it wasn’t because he needed to win and make it to regionals and beyond, to become the best freestyle swimmer in Japan.

“It’s not becau—“ Haru started.

“I know,” Makoto interrupted quietly.

Makoto’s expression had fallen. Haru would’ve expected Makoto to be more supportive, like he usually was—smile and tell him everything was going to be okay, that Haru had nothing to worry about, and so on. But instead, he just pursed his lips and stared sadly at the sidewalk.

Haru furrowed his eyebrows. There was definitely something wrong with Makoto, something Haru didn’t know about.

Trying to get Makoto’s mind off of whatever was bothering him, Haru then inquired, “Are you nervous about the tournament?”

Makoto looked back up and smiled, returning more to his normal, smiling Makoto-self.

“Yeah, of course I am.”

Makoto went on, talking more about the tournament and about how Nagisa and Rei were looking, how far Rei had come in his swimming in such a short amount of time. 

They reached the train and went to school. Haru was glad to have Makoto back in class with him again. He would steal looks at him out of the corner of his eye, watching him as he leaned over his desk, his shaggy hair bouncing in front of his lovely face as he quickly wrote things down on a piece of paper. One time he saw Makoto with his head resting in the palm of his hand, his elbow propped on the desk, and Haru had to stop himself from staring. His eyes weren’t looking at the board in the front of the class, but off to the side, thinking about something, maybe remembering something he needed to do at home, or about nothing at all. But the undeniable handsomeness that is Makoto’s face struck Haru in the gut like a large pumpkin being hurled at him from a low-firing trebuchet. He felt like a giddy little school girl, having to keep his breathing in check as he kept looking back at the stunning boy off to his side, because good-swimming-god was he beautiful.

He hadn’t realized that his hand had made its way up to his chest and was clutching the light material over his heart as he closed his eyes and marveled at the gift that is Makoto Tachibana.

“Hey, Haru-chan,” a voice beside him whispered, “are you all right?”

Haru slowly cracked his eyes open and peeked at the freshly-watered-grass-green-eyed beauty who was leaning in beside him. He stiffly lowered his hand and pursed his lips, nodding as he said, “Yes. I was…I was just thinking about this waterfall I saw one time.”

Makoto smiled a close-mouthed smile and rolled his eyes before straightening up and returning his focus to the teacher in the front of the room.

Class ended and they were released to lunch. Makoto and Haru made their way to the roof like they often did, and when they opened the door they saw Nagisa and Rei already sitting there, eating their lunches as Nagisa was on his feet while animatedly telling a story. The second-year swimmers made their way over to their kouhais.

“And then, while they were distracted by the jalapenos, I grabbed a handful of potpourri—ah, Mako-chan! You’re alive!” Nagisa saw them and stopped his storytelling, jumping and throwing his arms up into the air.

Rei cleared his throat and pushed his glasses up, still sitting cross-legged with his lunch in front of him. “Hello, Haruka-senpai and Makoto-senpai. I hope you’re feeling better.”

“I am, much better. Thanks, Rei,” Makoto smiled.

Makoto sat down, and Haru next to him. Nagisa returned to telling his story. Needless to say, Makoto and Haru were more than a little confused and lost, but Rei seemed very invested in the story. ~~  
~~

Makoto snickered at the two of them and turned to smile at Haru. Haru looked at Makoto, and Makoto’s smile dwindled to something smaller, though no less genuine or happy, more to something sensual. Haru found the look that took over Makoto’s eyes then to be irresistible. His eyelids had lowered a little more than usual, and Haru knew Makoto was staring at him, his irises dancing around as they traversed the features of his face, taking in the way his hair lay over his forehead and thinking thoughts that Haru could only wish he could hear. Haru had never seen Makoto keep gazing at him after Haru caught him doing so, and he was enthralled. He wanted Makoto to continue staring at him and never stop. He wanted those lips to lean in to him or else he would. He wanted to hear every little thought that passed through Makoto’s head.

“Oooh! Maybe we should leave these two alone, eh, Rei-chan?” Nagisa cooed, crashing through Haru’s thoughts. He was no longer standing, but sitting down next to Rei.

Haru and Makoto both ripped their gazes away, and Haru straightened up. He had thought about leaning in to Makoto, but he hadn’t realized that he’d actually started to. Makoto cleared his throat and Haru’s eyes darted back over to him, noting with a miniscule smirk the redness that had spread across his cheeks.

“Wha-?” Makoto sputtered nervously. “What, oh.”

Makoto’s eyes were wide and his movements were jerky as he looked from Nagisa to Haru and then back down, embarrassed, at his bento.

Nagisa shook his head as he sighed, “Oh, Mako-chan.”

Rei delicately coughed and said, “Hey, um maybe you should leave them alone and just finish telling me that story already.”

“Right!” Nagisa declared, shooting back around to Rei.

He continued making gaudy hand motions while adding sound effects and giving the characters in his tale outlandish voices. Makoto looked down at his lunch and began eating it. After a moment, Makoto quietly asked, without looking up, “So, did you meet Rin last Wednesday?”

Haru paused, his expression drawn in a more serious manner than it typically was, and contemplated Makoto. Makoto’s shoulders had stiffened, and he had stopped midway in bringing a piece of food to his mouth after he had asked Haru about Rin. One of Rei’s evil cackles bounded through the air as Nagisa giggled gleefully next to him, probably finished telling his story.

Haru answered, “No.”

Having not taken his eyes off of Makoto, Haru thought he saw Makoto relax slightly and he caught Makoto exhaling a small sigh.

Makoto ate the food he had been holding suspended in the air, chewing slowly. He angled his head to look somewhat sadly at Haru as he asked, “What did you want to see him for, anyways?”

Haru was a bit taken aback. Makoto didn’t inquire about things like that. He generally never pressed for information from someone about their personal lives or feelings. Haru’s eyes suddenly widened marginally. Was Makoto’s current strife due in part to something with Rin?

“What?” Nagisa butted in, leaning in dramatically towards them. “Who did you go see, Haru-chan? Did you have a date too? Oh, how did your date go, by the way, Mako-chan?”

Haru chose to ignore Nagisa. “I just had something I felt like I needed to tell him. To clear some things up.”

Haru didn’t elaborate—because he didn’t really want to—and Makoto didn’t press him for a further explanation. He looked at him sullenly for a moment longer, mouthing a quiet “oh”, before turning back to his food. Nagisa prompted Makoto once again for details on his date, and so Makoto reluctantly recreated the evening for them. Haru had decided earlier that he didn’t really want to know the details of Makoto’s date, and so he only half-listened.

The moment Makoto had told him about his date, an ugly pool of jealousy had sunk in Haru’s stomach. Those couple of days after Haru realized his feelings for Makoto had changed, he tried to make sure they really had. He wasn't exactly experienced in the field of anything romance, so he just wanted to make sure the things he had begun feeling were really what had been portrayed and described in so many tv shows and movies, books and songs. And that Wednesday at swim practice, Haru officially decided his crush was exactly just that, so of course Haru was jealous when Makoto announced he would be going on a date with someone other than him. In fact, he was even a little angry. The reason he had decided he was going to try to find Rin that night was to make it clear nothing would ever happen between them. The fixation Haru felt for Rin wasn’t romantic, but with Makoto it certainly was.

Makoto briefly summed up his evening, which had forced Nagisa to ask more questions until he was satisfied and now privy to every detail of Makoto’s date. As they chatted, Makoto’s smile returned and his laugh rang pleasantly through the air. The familiar waves of Makoto’s voice washed over Haru, comfortably surrounding him and comforting him like he thought only water could. The conversation shifted to talk about the upcoming tournament, and Nagisa chastised Makoto for skipping practice with prefecturals so close.

Lunch ended and they all gathered up their lunches, standing up to return to class. Haru began walking with Makoto towards the door, but a wrapper flew out of Makoto’s hand and he turned back to pick it up. Haru glanced at him as he spun around to chase down the vagabond trash. Makoto caught the wrapper and went to catch up to Haru. Nagisa skipped up beside Makoto and whispered something in his happy tone to him.

“Just,” Makoto sighed, sounding slightly exasperated, then continued on quietly, “just, let me handle it, okay?”

Haru reached the door and opened it, Makoto’s arm appearing above him and holding the door open behind him as he went inside.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto and Haru had just spent all night together at the festival, but Makoto isn't quite satisfied....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has it really been two months since I've updated this? Ugh ugh ugh. I'm so sorry. I joined the swim team (it has nothing to do with my love of Free! I swear. I just want to be hot (though Free! is what gets me through practices and definitely helped me in the beginning to figure out what to do I kid you not)) and now I have no time to do anything or sleep or write. But I got this done before Christmas! Which was my plan! Aha! Parts of it are a bit rough, but hey, hopefully it's worth the wait (if you guys are still sticking around eck)
> 
> We've all seen the show, so I just skipped over the tournament and Haru's inner strife and the festival. You can just go back and watch those episodes and add in (the obvious) MakoHaru though :) 
> 
> And I've been watching a lot of Love Actually, so [Here With Me](http://www.vevo.com/watch/dido/here-with-me/USAV70000121) is the song in the beginning c:

_Oh, I am what I am_

_I'll do what I want, but I can't hide_

_And I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe_

_Until you're resting here with me_

 

_And I won't leave and I can't hide, I cannot be_

_Until you're resting here with me_

_\---_

 

 

Haru had of course walked home with Makoto. They stopped at Makoto’s house, and he invited Haru in. He had gingerly carried his new fish home—the ones Haru had won for him—barely taking his eyes off of them the whole way back from the festival.

“Will you hold them while I look for the bowl?” Makoto asked.

Haru nodded and took the bag, following Makoto as he went to his room and dug around in his closet. They managed to not be attacked by the twins since it was late and they were already in bed. Given that though, Makoto and Haru had made sure to creep stealthily through the house.

“Ah, here it is!” Makoto announced, finding his old fish bowl. “And some of the leftover rocks are here too.”

Makoto went to the kitchen to rinse the bowl out before putting the artificial rocks in the bottom. Then he filled the bowl up and took the bag of fish, thanking Haru for holding them, and let the plastic bag float in the water so the fish could adjust to the new temperature.

Makoto smiled at the bowl, crouching down to look in it, as if he were a little kid again, getting a new pet.

“Thanks for the fish, Haru. I love them,” he thanked again.

“I know, I know. You don’t have to thank me every time you look at them,” Haru said.

Makoto looked at Haru and caught his soft smile before he turned away.

Makoto was glad Haru had been able to figure everything out after his race with Rin. Makoto knew by the slump of Haru’s shoulders, his wide-eyed and empty stare at the wall in front of him, and the forced movements of his limbs as he pulled himself out of the pool and walked off to the showers that something was wrong. Makoto had wanted to go to him; he wanted to be there and find out what was wrong so he could help him. But he knew Haru. He knew that he’d just want to be alone for a while, be given the chance to figure things out himself.

Of course, a flash of animosity towards Rin had shot through Makoto. This time it wasn’t comprised out of jealousy though. No, it was because Rin had hurt Haru. He’d hurt him again, and he seemed completely oblivious to the fact.

Returning back to the moment at hand, the moment where Haru was there with him and cutely hiding his smirk, Makoto stood up, saying, “Well, it’s late. You probably want to get home.”

Haru shrugged. “I don’t mind staying, but since you clearly want me out of the house so you can play with your new toys all by yourself…”

Makoto snickered as he and Haru walked to the front door.

“You know that’s not what I’m saying.”

“I know.”

Haru put his shoes on, and Makoto opened the door for him. Haru walked out the door, instantly looking to his left, towards the ocean as he began making his way down the walkway in front of Makoto’s house. Makoto looked out to the beach, too. The night was warm—it had been a perfect night to go to the festival—and Makoto didn’t really want Haru to leave quite yet.

“Do you want to go down to the beach?” Makoto asked.

Haru stopped and ripped his gaze away from the dark waves and to Makoto.

“Really?” Haru asked, almost in disbelief.

Makoto nodded.

“Yeah,” he smiled at Haru.

 He ducked back in his house to put his shoes on and then went out to join Haru who was waiting for him.

They walked down the steps, and Makoto didn’t stop himself from standing closer than usual to Haru, occasionally bumping into him. Haru didn’t step away from Makoto and would sometimes push back, barely, but enough that Makoto noticed with a happy little smirk.

As they approached the alluring sound of the evening waves, the stars shining brightly above in the late-summer sky, Makoto looked affectionately at Haru. Makoto’s heart had soared when Haru had told him that he just wanted to swim with him, that swimming together made Haru just as happy as it did Makoto. Haru’s face had been taught with emotion spilling out of him—a rare sight, even for Makoto—and Makoto had found the passionate gleam in Haru’s eyes to be something he’d never want to forget.

Standing there on that edge overlooking the festival, the soft glow of the lanterns floating and dancing below them on the water, the world melted and disappeared around Makoto, leaving only him and Haru and the intimate space around them. Haru wanted to swim—with  _him_. Haru didn’t go running off with Rin when he’d seen him earlier that evening; he wasn’t standing on that secluded precipice with someone else, and it’d been Makoto that Haru had been saying those suggestive things to, making Makoto’s eyes widen and his heart pound in vain hope; it was Makoto’s side that he never left.

Finally, after weeks of wallowing around in his secret struggle, Makoto allowed himself to believe the hope that he had locked away. He let himself believe that Haru looked at him in a similar way that he affectionately gazed at Haru.

Time had suspended as the thought built itself up comfortably in Makoto’s head. However, before it could construct into a sturdy palace of confidence, Nagisa’s voice trampled through Makoto’s thoughts, ending whatever romantic advances that may have been made between him and Haru and instead prompting an emotional conversation between the entire team about the upcoming relay.

But now there was no one there. It was just him and Haru walking the routine path to the ocean, the stars twinkling above. Makoto looked up at them and smiled, the thought of Haru having romantic feelings for him building itself back up in Makoto’s head. Haru peered at Makoto as he looked up at the sky, then in turn glanced up at the stars. Makoto, still smiling, looked at Haru, whose chin was slightly raised as his eyes sparkled in the dark, searching for something in the sky. Haru caught Makoto staring at him, and Makoto swore he grinned a cute little grin before looking in front of him. 

“I can’t wait to start training for relays again,” Makoto smiled. “It’s been so long. Though, I guess there isn’t really much to do other than practice exchanges, is there?”

Makoto cocked his head, grinning and laughing a small, airy snicker.

As they drew nearer to the water, Makoto continued, “Rei did very well for having only practiced for a relay just that morning.”

Haru “mhm”-ed in agreement. Then Haru’s fingers unexpectedly brushed over Makoto’s. Makoto took in a sharp breath. Out of the corner of his eye, Makoto saw Haru turn his head ever so slightly towards him. His face wasn’t angled upwards looking at Makoto’s face, but more down, his eyes studying something lower on Makoto.

Makoto’s heart was pounding as his eyes widened at Haru, though they snapped back to the world in front of him. Haru’s hand lingered on Makoto’s for a moment longer, then the warm touch was retracted. Makoto turned to Haru to see him looking towards the water like usual, and then his own eyes drifted down to Haru’s hand. That touch was undoubtedly done on purpose. Unless Makoto had just imagined the sweet, delightful caress across the back of his hand. But he hadn’t imagined it. He knew he hadn’t. And the hope that Haru returned Makoto’s feelings grew—the risk of putting that perfect seashell on that sandcastle no longer seemed like such a risk.

Makoto reached his own fingers out and just barely felt the back of Haru’s hand. Memories of the night Makoto and Haru had shared a bed when he slept over came back to him; the feeling that had overcome Makoto when he’d brushed the hair out of Haru’s face washed over him again. He wanted to be able to do that again. He wanted to be able to just grab Haru’s hand and hold it. And maybe Haru wanted him to…

Makoto pulled his hand away, though continued to stare at Haru’s hand, the color of his skin washed-out under the moonlight. His eyes trailed up Haru’s forearm, his bicep, his shoulder, peeked at his chest, lingered on his beautiful neck before stopping and simply admiring the features of Haru’s familiar face. Haru’s eyes were focused on the water ahead, and his hair was gently bouncing as they walked. Haru’s irises slowly diverted their attention to Makoto. He didn’t look away. At least, until he tripped.

“Ah!” Makoto cried out, his arms flailing about as he fell forward in an attempt to regain his balance.

“Makoto!” Haru called, his normally calm tone raised slightly in surprise.

A hand clasped around Makoto’s arm, and Haru stepped into and in front of Makoto, his arm stretched out across Makoto’s chest. Makoto clung to Haru, who caught and held him before he received a face full of concrete. Makoto picked his head up and looked into the brilliant eyes that were only a mere couple of inches away from his. His soft green eyes widened at the realization of his close proximity to Haru’s slightly parted lips and the way that Haru was comfortably holding him, causing a welcome warmth to spread through him. All he had to do was lean in just a bit…

Makoto flashed a smile and gave a little laugh.

“Sorry, I just…tripped,” Makoto said—somewhat awkwardly. He straightened up, but didn’t let go of Haru nor take his eyes off of him, those lips taunting him.

Haru’s eyes slightly narrowed in amusement. Haru made no move to release his tantalizing grip on Makoto, and Makoto’s heart rate picked up noticeably. He couldn’t tell if he marginally tightened his hold on Haru or if he just stiffened up. Either way, he quickly tore himself away and scratched the back of his head, tilting it to the side and chuckling faintly, eyes closed.

Makoto’s heart was racing. He’d been dangerously close to kissing Haru, and he couldn’t think of a time where he’d felt so thrilled that someone had caught him or displayed concern for such a trivial and commonplace act of clumsiness. Though he’d stopped himself from leaning in and kissing Haru, his conviction of Haru not wanting the same thing that Makoto so badly wanted continued to melt away.

He didn’t say anything as he and Haru covered the remaining distance to the beach. He was too thrilled by Haru’s embrace, his heart beating into his throat as he grinned dumbly at the approaching waves, at the sidewalk under his feet, and at the captivating boy next to him.

They stepped on to the shifting sand and walked out to sit a safe distance from the clutches of the waves. Makoto sat down, crossing his legs. He looked up at Haru, who was lingering next to him and still standing, staring out at the dark water. He saw him start to take a step forward, but he pulled himself back, joining Makoto and taking a seat on the sand.

Makoto smirked at him, nodding his head. “Thinking about taking a night swim, were you?”

Haru looked from the ocean to peek at Makoto, an unfamiliar gleam alive in his eye. He stared back out at the sea again, nothing but the strong crashing of the waves resonating in their ears. Makoto leaned back on his hands, and the sand wrapped around his fingers.

“Ah…” Makoto breathed. “It’s beautiful tonight, isn’t it?”

Makoto smiled at Haru, and almost added, _‘Though not as beautiful as you.’_ He didn’t say it, but he thought it. Oh, he thought it…

Haru didn’t respond, just continued to stare out at the ocean. Makoto wondered what was going through his mind. He’d often wondered what it was exactly that the water had that captivated Haru so.

“If you keep staring at the water like that you’re going to make me jealous,” Makoto jested, nudging Haru with his shoulder while laughing.

Haru turned to Makoto, but quickly looked down, a smirk pressing the corners of his mouth. When he looked up, there was a hint of mischief in his expression. Makoto pulled back slightly at that, on edge and expectant for what Haru might say or do next.

“Well,” Haru divulged, “if you’d rather me stare at you then all you had to do was ask nicely.”

Haru’s eyes flicked back to the water, his demeanor its normal, deadpan self. Makoto’s eyes had shot open wider than he thought they could, and he was pretty sure his heart was beating so quickly that it was unhealthy and he might soon go into heart-beating-too-fast shock (or, for those of us who are medically inclined, tachycardia). Even though he was becoming quite comfortable with the idea of Haru having a crush on him—and of course, he wanted nothing more than for Haru to return his feelings—Haru’s suggestive comment still took him by surprise. The shock only lasted a moment, though, and soon his spirits were soaring and he had to bite his lips to hide the unabashed smile that was making its way on to Makoto’s mouth.

However, Makoto wasn’t cut out for cheeky and witty exchanges, especially when romance was involved.

“Oh,” Makoto managed in response, forcing a chuckle. “Heheh, yeah…”  

Makoto looked out at the water, smiling giddily, and tried to ignore the undeniable fire on his cheeks that was his blushing. That certainly wasn’t the first time Haru was said something flirty to him, and Makoto hoped it wouldn’t be the last—something told him it wouldn’t be.

The breeze played with Makoto’s hair and calmed his blush. Makoto felt the rest of the world melt away again, like it had at the festival. They were the only ones in their world, and their world was only the beach. Makoto realized suddenly that also absent from their private beach was his jealousy of Rin and fear of losing Haru. It had been missing for much of the evening, and it turns out that made almost blissfully perfect. Obviously, Rin wasn’t going to be popping out of the bushes, scooping Haru up while they hopped on the back of a horse and gallivanted away. Even if Rin _did_ pop unexpectedly and uncannily out of the bushes, Haru wouldn’t go with him. He’d stay with Makoto. Makoto knew he would.

He smiled, and looked adoringly at Haru, who was still mesmerized by the rhythmic waves. With every passing moment Makoto spent with Haru, he felt his confidence grow, felt that Haru was indeed a fan of the Makoto booty.

Haru quietly broke the comfortable silence that had fallen between them.

“Thanks for earlier.”

“Uh…” Makoto chuckled, sitting up. “You’re welcome? I know I’m the best at knowing what you’re thinking and saying out of anyone else on the planet, but I’m going to need a bit more to work with than that.”

Haru looked down in his lap, then peeked over at the grinning Makoto next to him. Makoto’s grin softened as Haru stared at him, and Makoto felt himself being pulled into those overly-chlorinated-pool-eyes.

Haru regrettably turned and looked back out at the sea, though Makoto didn’t stop gazing at him.

“Earlier, during the swim meet, when you came out and stood with me.”

Makoto pressed his eyebrows together and snickered faintly.

“Oh, I—it was nothing. I didn’t really do anything. I just wanted to be there in case you needed someone,” Makoto replied.

After Makoto had finished his race, he’d gone to where he’d seen Haru standing, watching him as he swam—which had made him exceedingly overjoyed, knowing that Haru had watched him compete. Makoto had just stood there after he joined Haru, not saying anything to him, not asking him what was wrong or prompting him to spill his feelings to him. They watched their friends swim without saying a word. Makoto had left after Rei’s race had ended, reminding Haru that if he needed anything he just needed to find him. He’d had a feeling that Haru wouldn’t be returning with them after the meet ended, and if Haru by any chance wanted someone to be with, he wanted to make sure that Haru didn’t feel unnecessarily alone.

Haru continued, “I was glad when you came. You reminded me…at least someone in my life is constant. That I knew I could rely on you not to leave me.”

 “Haru…” Makoto whispered.

“And Makoto…”

Makoto, transfixed, gazed at Haru as he turned to look at him. Haru’s black hair danced and tumbled in the breeze rolling off the ocean, the same look was in his eyes that was there when they were at the festival on that ledge.

“I’ll never leave you.”

Makoto’s breath caught, his head jolting back to the ocean. His eyes were wide and his mouth was slightly parted. Haru was never going to leave him. The fear he’d had since Rin arrived, of Haru leaving him and joining Rin in shining light with sakura petals flying everywhere, leaving Makoto with his hand outstretched and cast in shadow, disappeared in a wisp of smoke. His thoughts were racing, making the churning water seem calm. As he processed what Haru had said, the methodic roar of the waves faded away, and he realized something that’d he’d known for a long time.

Makoto placed his hand over Haru’s. He looked at Makoto, and slowly Makoto turned to look at him. He felt himself get lost in Haru’s deep blue eyes, as if he were slowly sinking, water pulling him in deeper and deeper…

“…I know,” Makoto whispered.

This time there was no little voice to say no. There was no fear that if he let himself do what he so badly wanted to do that it would ruin everything. There was no inhibition that made him afraid Haru would reject him. There was no sandcastle with a crumbling tower. This time there was just Haru’s lips meeting his, and a smile as Makoto pulled Haru in closer.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyyyy they finally kissed. Time to enter the realm of fluff and an area where I have no experience hooray!
> 
> I will try my hardest to get the next chapter done asap, but I can't promise anything :/ Just have to stick it out until the end of swim season....


End file.
